You could always go the Stephen Lynch route:
If I were Gay
Here we are
Dear old friends
You and I drunk again
laughs have been had
tears have been shed
maybe the whiskey has gone to my head
but if I were gay
I would give you my heart
and if I were gay
you'd be my work of art
and if i were gay
we would swim in romance
but I'm not gay
so get your hand out of my pants
It's not that I don't care
I do
I just don't see myself in you
another time another scene
I'd be right behind you if you know what i mean
coz if I were gay
I would give soul
and if I were gay
I would give you my whole... being
and if I were gay
we would tear down the walls
But I'm Not gay
so wont you stop cupping my Ba... Hand
we've never hugged
we've never kissed
I've never been intimate with your fist
you have opened brand new doors
get over here and drop ... your ... Drawers
__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo
Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club
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