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toaster_oven · 07-28-2008, 05:13 PM

Thanks for the replies everyone, I really appreciate it. When I wrote this post I guess I was just feeling very confused. I was being incredibly selfish, I realize that now, and I was mixing up unselfishness with selfishness.

I don't think my logic is necessarily flawed, but it is too black and white.

My train of thought was this: I would do anything she asked of me, even if it wasn't a fantasy of mine. I saw that as being unselfish and giving. So, turning that around, I felt that if she was unselfish and giving too then she would do the same thing. Therefore, trying out our fantasies.

Just that in this case it's one of my fantasies that she has hinted at in the past. I don't want to sound like 'But we had a deal! You promised!' I figured that in this case it just happened to be my fantasy first, and yes I would like to try things outside the norm, but this sounded like a good one to start with, seeing as she had hinted at it in the past. It sounds like I read too much into what she said.

I think Borla has hit the nail on the head. "So you'll risk your life for her, cross boundaries of comfort for her, but it's just too much to ask to forget this particular fantasy at her request?" Perhaps I am/was too focused on wanting to be unselfish by being willing to fulfill her desires (and in turn have her do the same) but it hadn't 'clicked' in my head that part of being unselfish and open is also being willing to accept her request to not do something.

Thanks again everyone. I'm going to explain the above paragraph to her and let her know that I've been confused ever since the overseas holiday (and that was years ago now) but I don't feel like she's reneged on any unspoken deal or anything like that, and that I will leave it alone from now on.

Just for the record I guess, the kissing in the taxi did occur, her friend mentioned it to me and laughed about it after she found out that my partner had told me. Nobody else was in the taxi and nobody else except my girlfriend, her friend and I know about it so they weren't showing off or doing it for attention or anything. I don't want to go into details but she's not a girl, she finished university more than a decade ago.

07-28-2008, 05:13 PM	#11 (permalink)
toaster_oven Banned	Thanks for the replies everyone, I really appreciate it. When I wrote this post I guess I was just feeling very confused. I was being incredibly selfish, I realize that now, and I was mixing up unselfishness with selfishness. I don't think my logic is necessarily flawed, but it is too black and white. My train of thought was this: I would do anything she asked of me, even if it wasn't a fantasy of mine. I saw that as being unselfish and giving. So, turning that around, I felt that if she was unselfish and giving too then she would do the same thing. Therefore, trying out our fantasies. Just that in this case it's one of my fantasies that she has hinted at in the past. I don't want to sound like 'But we had a deal! You promised!' I figured that in this case it just happened to be my fantasy first, and yes I would like to try things outside the norm, but this sounded like a good one to start with, seeing as she had hinted at it in the past. It sounds like I read too much into what she said. I think Borla has hit the nail on the head. "So you'll risk your life for her, cross boundaries of comfort for her, but it's just too much to ask to forget this particular fantasy at her request?" Perhaps I am/was too focused on wanting to be unselfish by being willing to fulfill her desires (and in turn have her do the same) but it hadn't 'clicked' in my head that part of being unselfish and open is also being willing to accept her request to not do something. Thanks again everyone. I'm going to explain the above paragraph to her and let her know that I've been confused ever since the overseas holiday (and that was years ago now) but I don't feel like she's reneged on any unspoken deal or anything like that, and that I will leave it alone from now on. Just for the record I guess, the kissing in the taxi did occur, her friend mentioned it to me and laughed about it after she found out that my partner had told me. Nobody else was in the taxi and nobody else except my girlfriend, her friend and I know about it so they weren't showing off or doing it for attention or anything. I don't want to go into details but she's not a girl, she finished university more than a decade ago.