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girldetective · 07-12-2008, 06:41 AM

I mean this to be encouraging to you, but when re-reading I thought it sounded very straightforward. However, after drinking a tad too much last night Im not up to re-writing it right now. My thoughts are only those, nothing else. I wish you the very very best.

I would involve myself in the fam, putting my current feelings aside and working toward better feelings for both yourself and them. It might be awkward for you, but remember that you have a goal of goodwill. That is a good thing and can help you to be brave while facing the uncomfortableness. I would probably start hanging around often and when I heard something might be needed, i would volunteer. Or, perhaps if I saw a need, I might suggest something. Or whatever, you get it. If anything snide was said to me I would address it with something like, I know, the past was a bitch. But girl, Im marrying your bro and Im moving on. Do you want to help me with some decision for the wedding? It would be fun! And I would ensure that I followed through with some of their suggestions, making them a part of my life. I would approach this as already being a part of the family and if things ever got nasty, I would remind them that there was a time that you were a part of the family in truth, and that now you are again a part of the family in truth (with their son) and I would tell them I love them and want things to be better again for them, you, and their son. I wouldnt get to serious or make it more fucked up, I would probably try to just put it on the table in front of them and let them run with it too. Let them see that you are a nice person who would like to be a part of bringing people together.

It could be that it was hurtful to their son that you did not attend their sister's wedding, and in fact this could give them, and you, fodder to have this awful mess continue.

Approach the whole thing anew, and be positive. If you cant be positive, subtley remove yourself from the situation. And I might try talking with my boyfriend about his fam only when I have something positive to say, and if he brought up anything negative about his fam, I would say something like Hey boyfriend, thats your fam youre talkin about, soon to be mine!

To reiterate: If I were in your shoes, I would try to change my behavior and my thinking without ever saying anything to anyone. I would begin to include myself and his fam in a positive way only.

Become the solution, not the problem and all of you will feel better.

Edit: In re-reading this again (intuiting that something was wrong) I realize that you may not be marrying this dude. Sorry to be an ass. I really am feeling sluggish today. Nonetheless, whether marrying or not, follow my advice and you will bring only good fortune and happiness to yourself and that fam. And really, I dont mean this flippantly.

07-12-2008, 06:41 AM	#6 (permalink)
girldetective sufferable	I mean this to be encouraging to you, but when re-reading I thought it sounded very straightforward. However, after drinking a tad too much last night Im not up to re-writing it right now. My thoughts are only those, nothing else. I wish you the very very best. I would involve myself in the fam, putting my current feelings aside and working toward better feelings for both yourself and them. It might be awkward for you, but remember that you have a goal of goodwill. That is a good thing and can help you to be brave while facing the uncomfortableness. I would probably start hanging around often and when I heard something might be needed, i would volunteer. Or, perhaps if I saw a need, I might suggest something. Or whatever, you get it. If anything snide was said to me I would address it with something like, I know, the past was a bitch. But girl, Im marrying your bro and Im moving on. Do you want to help me with some decision for the wedding? It would be fun! And I would ensure that I followed through with some of their suggestions, making them a part of my life. I would approach this as already being a part of the family and if things ever got nasty, I would remind them that there was a time that you were a part of the family in truth, and that now you are again a part of the family in truth (with their son) and I would tell them I love them and want things to be better again for them, you, and their son. I wouldnt get to serious or make it more fucked up, I would probably try to just put it on the table in front of them and let them run with it too. Let them see that you are a nice person who would like to be a part of bringing people together. It could be that it was hurtful to their son that you did not attend their sister's wedding, and in fact this could give them, and you, fodder to have this awful mess continue. Approach the whole thing anew, and be positive. If you cant be positive, subtley remove yourself from the situation. And I might try talking with my boyfriend about his fam only when I have something positive to say, and if he brought up anything negative about his fam, I would say something like Hey boyfriend, thats your fam youre talkin about, soon to be mine! To reiterate: If I were in your shoes, I would try to change my behavior and my thinking without ever saying anything to anyone. I would begin to include myself and his fam in a positive way only. Become the solution, not the problem and all of you will feel better. Edit: In re-reading this again (intuiting that something was wrong) I realize that you may not be marrying this dude. Sorry to be an ass. I really am feeling sluggish today. Nonetheless, whether marrying or not, follow my advice and you will bring only good fortune and happiness to yourself and that fam. And really, I dont mean this flippantly. __________________ As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata Last edited by girldetective; 07-12-2008 at 07:24 AM..