Ever since my wife and I had a talk about her
going out a lot to bars with her work friends, she's cut down some. Last week though she went out 3 times in a row, which kind of annoyed me but I figured that since she just switched to a different branch office (which she's helping get started, then she probably returns to the old office) she wanted to hang out with her old work friends. Which she did, but after one night she came home and said that after her female colleagues left the bar, one of the guys decided to take off too, and told her he was going to wait outside for her. To hook up.
She brushed it off as a half-joke, but after a while he called her cell from outside the bar, trying to coax her into coming out and getting in his car. She had to tell him repeatedly no, like he wasn't accepting the answer. Eventually she left the bar and drove home, and called him on his cell telling him to go home [to his wife].
Now, initially when she got home, was very upset about it, because she was concerned that this was going to be a problem in the future and might keep her from having a good time drinking with her friends - including him. I thought I was doing the right thing by reassuring her that more than likely since it was a bar, after midnight, and they were drunk, he felt a "now or never" moment and decided to act on whatever desires he has towards her, and that certainly now he understands it won't happen, and will in the future not do an encore. This seemed to make sense to her and make her feel better.
But now, a few days later, I'm not sure I feel quite as understanding. At the time, I felt the need to hide that fact that what had transpired was, for one thing, no big surprise to me, and that I did shift some of the blame on her shoulders as well. Unjustifiably, perhaps. You see, if a married woman goes to bar 3 nights a week and comes home hammered at 2-3 am, to me that suggests that she's looking for something. So a part of me feels like she was receiving just the kind of attention you can expect to receive from guys in a bar. Whether they work with you or not.
But at the same time, I know that just because she's in a bar doesn't grant anyone the right to come on to her and try to get her to fuck them. I am pissed, and the best I can describe it is feeling personally insulted that some guy would try to fuck her, fully aware that she's my wife. I know this happens all the time, all over the world, and that some guys aren't so lucky as to have their wives decline the offers. But somehow it just feels absurd. The thought that someone would have so little respect for the marriage of others.
Truth be told, I don't want her hanging around that guy. It's not that I don't trust her, but the idea just makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps my initial reaction to be the Good Sensible Rationalizing Guy was a mistake, because now that I've had some time to ferment on this, I don't want her anywhere near that piece of shit. Last night she kept telling me all these jokes the guy had told her, and I kept thinking about how I really didn't want to hear any of them. She still seems to find him funny... I don't.
I'm not really clear on how I am supposed to feel about this.