Tophat665

1 And the LORD did come unto Adam, and said unto him, "So, Man who I have made, likest thou the hot little number I whipped up to amuse thee? Worth losing a rib?"

2 And Adam did grin, sheepishly.

3 Therefore did the LORD continue, "Rouse, then, her, and come before me to stand, for there is wisdom I would impart unto you."

4 And Adam spake, "Sure, thing, Pop. Back in a jiffy." And disappeared into a nearby thicket, presently to return with Woman.

5 And they stood before the LORD, without a stitch of clothing unto them.

6 And the LORD spake, "Man, woman, I want you to know that you have been made in my image."

7 And Adam piped up, "We know this, Dad."

8 "Made your ears right, then, I did," huffed the LORD, "But, well, you should know there are parts of us that are dirty."

Here endeth the lesson.

Pirates? What is that, some sort of Japanese Isometrics?

The current "Health Consciousness" phase of society - declaring good food to be unhealthy (they actually mean unhealthful, but these aren't smart people), smoking and alcohol and drugs dangers to self and society, Constant exercize, decrying obesity and loss of moral values, claiming that avoidance of the "bad" and adherance to the "good" adds years to life?

This is a boondoggle.

What good life if all that's worthwhile will end it? If you're too busy with your bowflex and stairmaster to do anything (or indeed, taste the lawn clippings on your calorically inert salad - I swear by Dog and all that is hairy my wife sends me out to the store to buy a box of common weeds for 8 bucks a pound that she would find in the nearest meadow for free if she would get off the excercycle and take a walk)?

And they never ever let on that the extra years you rack up come at the end. Folks, I spent enough of my time getting out of diapers that I'd like to minimize the amount of time I spend back in them. Regardless, you won't live forever, but better to go out longing for more than feel like you have lived forever.

It is a conspiracy, then; they are sucking the juice out of life for reasons unknown, and that is more frightening than any spawn of Shub-niggurath.

Fnord/ Repeat to yourself: Vegetables are not food. Vegetables are what food eats. Start fighting it.

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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.