It sounds like she's got a lot stuff going on. If she's unwilling to see a psychologist who is proficient with Dialectical Behavior Therapy, your best bet is to provide her with some DBT self-help material.
There are a couple of good (and cheap) books out there that i recommend to people with Axis 2 - Cluster B issues: These are:
http://http://www.amazon.com/Dialect...4528142&sr=8-1
There are some excellent free resources available at
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/reso...cfm?mini_ID=19at
For a free and excellent online CBT program, you can point her to
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/
From the information you've provided, she's probably in need of some basic self-soothing and impulse-control strategies.