thelifeandtimes

I am young and engaged.

The date is still three years away, but the doubts have already began to set in. Not the fair weather doubts or the cold feet, the doubts that come out of nowhere from the deepest pit of your stomach.

I used to be very excited about the wedding and the vision of me living out the rest of my years with my fiancee. I had things ideally placed and imagined. But since I put the ring on her finger six months ago, something inside of me has began to second guess it all.

We are perfectly compatible. Similar in a lot of ways but different in more. The whole opposites attract rings true in my situation. It worked for us, but the ugly head of her true self is starting to rear itself, and I really don’t like what it implies for the future.

Firstly, we have been fighting constantly. And not about big things or even important small things, but petty differences that honestly are a waste of time and breath. She blows everything out of proportion. She likes to assume and then hold it against me later on when I have no idea what she is talking about. Lately she has been very passive aggressive using what I say against me. I can handle the fighting to an extent until I reach a point where I just can’t be in the same room as her.

Secondly, our sexual life has pretty much disappeared. Sure this happens to most couples that have been together for awhile, but we haven’t been together even two years yet, beside the fact we are both barely 20. I understand that I am a very sexual person and she is not, but in the last five or six months, we’ve been having sex at best twice a month, but usually, its once. And sex is the only thing she’ll do. No random sensual moments and hardly much foreplay during any point. I have brought this up to her, but it falls on deaf ears for the most part. I mean, after I tell her, it gets better for a little bit, then right back to where we were to begin with. And when I’ve brought up our lack of sex, she always has some reason why we haven’t been sexual. At first it was that she was getting used to her depression medication. I can understand that as it is making her hormones go crazy. Then it was because she was too tired. Then it was something else, so on and so forth. It always seems to be one thing after another and it has gotten to the point where I don’t even bother talking to her about it. Its all starting to wear on me.

Finally, I am not sure if I really want kids, or at least when she wants kids or even the number of kids she wants to have. She wants to have a family by the time we are 30 with three kids. I on the other hand would like kids when I am in my later 30's after I have established myself in my career and am settled enough to be able to focus on a family.

I just feel that I am missing out on so much of my life lately. Not even dating other people, just opportunities and life experiences. The things I want in life are not the things she wants in life and I am worried that it will eventually take us in opposite directions.I don’t really know what to do at this point. I’ve tried talking about this to her, but its always the same discussion. Am I just over thinking everything and freaking myself out? Or do I really have a reason to worry about our direction in life later on?

Advice would be awesome.