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Originally Posted by twistedmosaic
You know it's true. Everyone does. But it takes an unreal amount of mind over penis to man up and act on it. I wish I could slap my 20 (and 21, and 22) year old self silly and drive that lesson into him.
The thing that I never saw when I was in the middle of it is that not only is it not fair to you, it's not fair to her to be with someone who spies on her. It isn't fair to her because the damage is already done, it's not something she can undo, and there isn't anything she can do to erase it. The sooner you end it, the sooner she can get a fresh start.
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Agreed again. I was just talking to my friend about this very thing (mind over penis). If I have to break off communication with her then it has to be done. It'll be painful for her and myself temporarily but it's something that has to be done if theres no trust. I guess I was/am just looking for other people to solidify that thought in my mind.
I was never after her for sex and still don't really care about sex honestly. My mind is else where (focused on my career and treating her like a woman 100%) which brings me to another point: her past.
She had a rough upbringing and was beaten by her parents who were heavy drug users and was in a foster home for awhile and has had 2 boyfriends in the past who have treated her like shit. Once slapped her and forced himself upon her at a party when she was drunk. When she met me she was like, "You're the only one who has ever treated me like a human being".
So with all that in mind I thought about this for awhile (and I mean i thought about her general thinking, not her compliments towards me) with others and my good friend who is at a neutral point like I was. His explanation was maybe shes just so used to being a victim and having people take advantage of her growing up, that she just falls into that groove now. I thought about it and it SORT OF made sense; when she gets yelled at she immediately gets submissive and doesn't say anything at all etc. Then he said on the other hand maybe she exagerated this story or lied so you wouldn't be angry at her for going along with it.
I also don't want to ever spy on someone and "test" them to see if they're lying. I haven't and don't want to ever do that.
Anyways, sorry for rambling on, just kind of thinking out loud here. I've pretty much made up my mind which is theres just to much bullshit surrounding this situation and if I have to think about the situation and how to handle it this hard, then it isn't worth the trouble and time. If theres one thing I've learned listening to others and watching other relationships is if there is no trust, theres no relationship.