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I agree with Willravel; you have to pick your battles and most, on hindsight, just aren't worth it. She's 11 and she's pushing your buttons. The second you feel your voice start to tighten and rise, stop, walk away. Or, if you really want to screw with her head a little, go over to her and hug her without a word when she gets into the devil-child mode. Not yelling is harder than yelling-I still find my voice rising with my son sometimes(he loves to beat dead horses or tease way over the limit), but then I just tell him to stop or, when really mad, just to shut up and go find something to do...
Once one stress-maker is dealt with, the others get easier. You're going in two different directions which makes going anywhere impossible.
It would appear the crux of all this is that you feel totally out of control of the situations you're in. Sometimes we can only control ourselves, not the crises around us. Ask yourself questions instead of him. What is it you want? What is it you fear? When the answers come to you clearly, you'll be better able to state them clearly as well. Good luck.
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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.
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