Jimellow

Thanks for all the quality replies.

Realistically, I don't think I am interested in a relationship with her at this point. Regarding friendship, I am not sure.. I think ultimately what I desire is some closure (good or bad), and the history of communication between has has provided anything but that.

Furthermore, if I have existed in her life strictly as someone to call when life goes bad, only to be thrown aside afterward, then I can't really say I desire "friendship" either, seeing that friendship is about so much more than that to me.

Perhaps by ignoring her currently, I am subconsciously leading myself towards a negative type of closure.

I have suggested lunch twice, and there were no real follow-ups on it. I have suggested hanging out, going for a drive, whatever, as a means for catching up and talking, and instead was left with either no response or a response that was not related to the topic I suggested.

And yet, as soon as I don't eagerly reply to any message from her, and instead TXT her telling her I hope she had an enjoyable Fourth and has a nice summer (indicating at least partial closure), while also not responding to two of her attempts at getting a reply (address request for a party invite) via online messaging, she is suddenly, and actively, interested in communication.

And to justify the ignoring of her requests.. She sent me two IMs, and I was legitimately idle at the time. When I got back, she was no longer on, but despite this in my mind I consider this to be ignoring her, as I tend to rarely ignore people, and follow-up with them shortly after I miss their attempts at correspondance.

When I texted her in regards to having a nice summer, she replied later that she had been tired and is having a party next month and we can catch up there. Today, she texted me saying she was done school and that she misses me.

I am intrigued by the fact that a pursuit of "catching up" is only issued when I send out a message that has an undertone of closure, in that I imply communication is likely over, at least through summer (thus, the "I hope you have an enjoyable summer" bit).

I don't know.. I am not an asshole that ignores females in the hopes of playing games with their mind. Over the last two years our relationship has been on distant, and only reasonably close, terms as a result of my generally unanswered attempts at communication, and at this point I think I desire closure more than anything.

To provide a specific example in regards to one of the ways I feel like I was used, I will briefly recount an experience involving the loss of a close family member.. Her father died, and she contacted me requesting I stand with her while she read her eulogy. She was in a relationship at the time, but her boyfriend wasn't making the trip as a result of having studying to do, and a heavy work load for class. I attended the funeral service with her, and it meant a lot to both of us.

To me, it meant a lot to even be asked, and I was honored to be there with her. Likewise, I am confident me being there meant a lot to her.

However, after the gathering at her house, we parted ways, loosely made plans to stay in touch after things had settled down, and that was it. There was no communication or follow-up from her, and that left me feeling reluctantly like I had been used to fill a role, and was thrown aside after my servives had been provided.

If that is the case, I am fine with it in this instance. Despite the lack in follow-up, I know the experience meant a lot to both of us, but beyond that I am very skeptical about the total lack of communication on her end.

When coupled with my indication that communication may be over through summer, and the resulting sudden increase in communication from her end, it makes me very suspicious of what her motives are.

I'd like closure, and I am not really content with the means by which I am able to get it. TXT messaging is a mediocre way to discuss anything beyond the most basic social forms, her phone has not been answered, lacks voice mail, and when my request at catching up is finally acknowledged, it's to be done at a party, and not over lunch or somewhere more personal and open to meaningful discussions?

In my honest opinion, I consider myself to be quite forgiving in this friendship, and if I didn't feel that at some point there was something special between us, I would not be as persistent as I have been in finding out what's going on. Unfortunately, even that is difficult, due to the extremely limited means of communication that are open to me.

As it stands, my last message to her indicated my wishes that she had a nice Fourth of July, and has an enjoyable summer. For me, that is some means of closure, and while I am not necessarily content to ignore her sudden attempts at communicating with me, I also am not eager to jump back into an acquaintance that will have me only summoned when she needs something at a vital moment in her life.

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Desperation is no excuse for lowering one's standards.