Key

on one hand, i'm glad he's out of the picture because it makes your position more comfortable. HOWEVER, on the other hand i'm worried that you'll take this as "oh everything's cool, situation over, happily ever after, etc. etc." and pretend the whole thing didn't happen. this statement makes me think you're in a worse position than before, so i'm kind of NOT glad he fucked it up.

why would you trust her more because of this? HE fucked it up, it's not like she went "oh .. he tried to put his arm around me so i knew he had other-than-just-friends-intentions so i drop kicked his ass." she'd done nothing to increase her credibility. imagine a man and a wife. the wife is totally hot for her guy-friend. the guy friend gets married to someone. wife goes "of course i never had feelings for him, i TOLD you i didn't like him, GEEZ. I TOL D YOU SO." it's easy for her to say, because technically she didn't do anything wrong- that doesn't mean her inner-feelings and motivations weren't in bad shape, she harbored intent. she's just damn grateful her inner-intentions weren't revealed, and due to circumstance, she never had to reveal them, so it's easy for her to claim they're not there. i might as well watch olympic gymnasts and go "uh yea, i can TOTALLY do that" - as long as i never have to prove it. hopefully you're following me here.

Bottom Line is this: the problem is still there. You got lucky. There's an analogy where you're in a river, and there's dozens of jagged rocks and nasty crap below. But you don't see them because your ship is sitting on the high water level. As the water level drops, you get to see more and more jagged rocks. Ideally you don't want any rocks. They say the only way to see them is when the water level's low - in this case you got a chance to see the rocks at the bottom and have an opportunity to smooth them over or remove them - or get the hell out of this particular river.

She's already demonstrated bad behavior. here's what i said a couple weeks ago BEFORE he got dropped from the picture: the problem is not THE GUY. there will always be THE GUY. if it wasn't this guy, it'll be another guy two weeks and two blocks down the road.

The problem is still there, you just have more time now to rectify it. Make sure it doesn't happen again. Make sure you let her know you won't be treated like second-rate crap. In a way, not being able to show her your spine in this last encounter actually hurt your position. Precedent has been set that if she goes out with some dude, and treats you as a sucker, as someone she hangs out when it's CONVENIENT and she's not hanging out with someone better, that you will take it in stride. "oh, he was coo with it before when i was hanging out with that one dude, he'll be fine with it if i hang out with this one." and by "hang out" i mean dating/cheating.

haha, sorry bro. though 15 years ago i would have been a huge sucker. i was a romantic nice guy, totally deluded and idealistic. i'm a lot more realistic (though it comes off as cynical) and know what's going on now. learning that the eternal, mystical, endlessly romantic and hollywoodized "love" does not exist is like the modern, adult version of discovering santa claus doesn't exist. it fucking sucks. and you want to believe. but dammit, it just doesn't. at least not in the form you thought of before.

Hell yes. Don't let love blind you, keep your eyes open. It's not as much fun, but neither's getting your heart trampled.


nail on the head.

everyone seems to have the right idea. she's demonstrated poor behavior toward you, and you had the chance to see the ugliness. What're you gonna do, ignore it?