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That sucks. When she said you're not "loving her the right way," what does she mean? If you're frigid or mean and have been for years, I can understand having an affair (although I think she should have divorced if that's the case). Honestly, it's not your fault for what she did.
I've not been married yet, but I have been cheated on. I am willing to forgive anything once, unless the person acts disrespectfully afterwards. My ex-boyfriend was extremely disrespectful after cheating. His hygiene got worse. He drank more. He was sexually selfish. He bragged about the cheating to anyone who would listen. He groped a mutual friend of ours and blamed HER. Then he got dumped.
Point is, someone who gets forgiven has to be remorseful about what they've done. From what you've told me, it doesn't sound like you're losing a very nice person. Some people are cancerous in our lives. Ask her what she wants, and if you can, take a break for awhile. Have a night out, or a weekend trip alone.
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If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? 
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