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Rodney · 04-15-2006, 02:08 PM

As somebody else who's 50, this all seems entirely normal. To me, it's like this: during intercourse at age 25, when I felt pleasure at a certain level, I would come. At age 50, I can feel that exact level of pleasure -- and not come. All the sensors work they way they always did, but the trigger isn't as sensitive as it used to be. And this is not a problem to me -- because it means that the good times can go on for so long. All orgasm means to me now is that the game is over.

And aside from that, sometimes you just run out of gas -- you're tired. It does happen. It happens to me, and it never used to. Most women are never "always ready," but there's a time in a man's life when he _is_ always ready. And then, when he gets older, he's only ready to go all the way some of the time -- like a woman.

But sometimes my wife does, like your friend, feel like a failure if I don't come. There are two things you can do about that. First, you can simply reassure her, endlessly and repeatedly, that 1) she's beautiful and sexy and sets you on fire, and 2) you're having a good time and it all feels great. You can also explain that as a guy gets older he's no longer 100 percent "on" to come every time. In the same way as women.

The other thing you can do is masturbate a couple of times during the day without coming (sounds like you do anyway), with the last time not that long before you see her. As you know, it's fun; and for me, it also sort of pre-heats the blood. When it's time for the real thing, I'm 99.5% sure to come.

I did have a situation in my early life when I didn't come at all after sex, and it was psychological. Basically, I was finding my way into bed by going along with things I wasn't happy with -- just wasn't asserting myself enough in relationships -- and so I wasn't comfortable about being there, and didn't feel in control. So I didn't come. If you feel out of control in your situation, that _could_ be a contributing problem. But I really don't think so. Sounds like you're right where you want to be, doing all the things that you want to do.

And frankly, that therapist you saw doesn't sound like she knows what she's talking about. You need a new therapist -- a guy, your age or older. He'll know what you're talking about ;-).

04-15-2006, 02:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	As somebody else who's 50, this all seems entirely normal. To me, it's like this: during intercourse at age 25, when I felt pleasure at a certain level, I would come. At age 50, I can feel that exact level of pleasure -- and not come. All the sensors work they way they always did, but the trigger isn't as sensitive as it used to be. And this is not a problem to me -- because it means that the good times can go on for so long. All orgasm means to me now is that the game is over. And aside from that, sometimes you just run out of gas -- you're tired. It does happen. It happens to me, and it never used to. Most women are never "always ready," but there's a time in a man's life when he _is_ always ready. And then, when he gets older, he's only ready to go all the way some of the time -- like a woman. But sometimes my wife does, like your friend, feel like a failure if I don't come. There are two things you can do about that. First, you can simply reassure her, endlessly and repeatedly, that 1) she's beautiful and sexy and sets you on fire, and 2) you're having a good time and it all feels great. You can also explain that as a guy gets older he's no longer 100 percent "on" to come every time. In the same way as women. The other thing you can do is masturbate a couple of times during the day without coming (sounds like you do anyway), with the last time not that long before you see her. As you know, it's fun; and for me, it also sort of pre-heats the blood. When it's time for the real thing, I'm 99.5% sure to come. I did have a situation in my early life when I didn't come at all after sex, and it was psychological. Basically, I was finding my way into bed by going along with things I wasn't happy with -- just wasn't asserting myself enough in relationships -- and so I wasn't comfortable about being there, and didn't feel in control. So I didn't come. If you feel out of control in your situation, that _could_ be a contributing problem. But I really don't think so. Sounds like you're right where you want to be, doing all the things that you want to do. And frankly, that therapist you saw doesn't sound like she knows what she's talking about. You need a new therapist -- a guy, your age or older. He'll know what you're talking about ;-). Last edited by Rodney; 04-15-2006 at 02:34 PM..