Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

jth · 02-26-2006, 07:44 AM

I don't know if this is the right place to put this, anyway I need some advice. I'll give a little back ground.

I grew up in a small town in Nova Scotia Canada and around a tight group of friends. I can't speak for a lot of people but I know compared to most groups we were probably exceptionally tight friends. We always hung out together every day, especially weekends 9 times out of 10 at one specific home which was a central location. We all shared a lot of fun and grew up together and faced all the trials and tribulations of youth into adulthood.

One friend in partcular currently is depressed and contemplating suicide.

He never accepted change very well and has always had issues with drinking. He got most of it under control. He doesn't like to be told to do anything and despite his best intentions of wanting to be independant, he's not really and he has zero ambition, he doesn't know what he wants out of life other then money but doesn't want to work to get it nessesarily although all he does is work, more on that in a bit. He has trouble meeting new people, making friends despite being a good person. Anyway, lately a lot has changed. Over the last year, maybe 2 years all his friends have left home and moved, not just moved out of town but most of us don't even live in Nova Scotia anymore and myself whom he claims is his best friend has moved to Texas. Eventually he as well has to leave home in search of work just when he starts a really great relationship with a woman, which is where i believe the shit started.

She was another one of our friends ex's and it went down pretty hard. They started to see each other, and the former boyfriend did not take to it very well. It was low how it happened and this was known by the two of them, but it just happened. Either way, my depressed Friend was never happier in his life, he had a great girl, who was attentive to him and made him feel important. He never had a girlfriend before, a real one and so he was overly excited and feel for her to quickly. She was finishing school and now he had to move to the city to work.

About oh, 8 months has passed I guess and she's got 2 months left at school before moving to England. She pretty much refuses/makes up excuses not to see him. He has to travel to see her on bus for 3 hours if she lets him see her. He doesn't get the relationship is over, maybe he does now. It is messing him up.

He has started to drink again, claiming to me it's the only thing that makes him feel good, all other times he is depressed. He drinks alone in hs apartment because he knows no one in the City, even when one of our good friends came up he kind of brushed them off to drink. He came on MSN and confessed all of this to me.

I tried to encourage him to not drink so much, but I didn't want to nag him, everyone else in our circle has openly been concerned about the drinking and he always took it as some sort of attack on him. I was never around for any interventions and my relationship with him has always been me shooting straight from the hip and he generally listens to it. I don't feel like I can really help him online, it's not the same. I suggeste strongly, in fact made him promise me he'd get help from professionals so he can see that he's not 'worthless, stupid, akward, socially retarded' as he has claimed to be.

Few other notes.

He's not had an easy life. To be honest I think it was a matter of time before all the issues of his life have come back to haunt him and they are now. A broken home (Father left his mother and oldest brother, Mother remarried to a jerk who beat him and had a child with his mother, he left... poverty, emotional abuse, substance abuse as mentioned) the list really goes on and on.

I feel guilty that I cannot be there fore him although I know that's unfair to myself. I've always been there for my friends whenever they needed me (A few years ago I moved to Toronto for a friend who needed help, although in a different way). I've sacrificed a lot for my friends and would do it every day if I could... somehow I feel helpless in this situation.

Any advice would be great.

Peace

02-26-2006, 07:44 AM	#1 (permalink)
jth Insane Location: HRM	Helping a friend I don't know if this is the right place to put this, anyway I need some advice. I'll give a little back ground. I grew up in a small town in Nova Scotia Canada and around a tight group of friends. I can't speak for a lot of people but I know compared to most groups we were probably exceptionally tight friends. We always hung out together every day, especially weekends 9 times out of 10 at one specific home which was a central location. We all shared a lot of fun and grew up together and faced all the trials and tribulations of youth into adulthood. One friend in partcular currently is depressed and contemplating suicide. He never accepted change very well and has always had issues with drinking. He got most of it under control. He doesn't like to be told to do anything and despite his best intentions of wanting to be independant, he's not really and he has zero ambition, he doesn't know what he wants out of life other then money but doesn't want to work to get it nessesarily although all he does is work, more on that in a bit. He has trouble meeting new people, making friends despite being a good person. Anyway, lately a lot has changed. Over the last year, maybe 2 years all his friends have left home and moved, not just moved out of town but most of us don't even live in Nova Scotia anymore and myself whom he claims is his best friend has moved to Texas. Eventually he as well has to leave home in search of work just when he starts a really great relationship with a woman, which is where i believe the shit started. She was another one of our friends ex's and it went down pretty hard. They started to see each other, and the former boyfriend did not take to it very well. It was low how it happened and this was known by the two of them, but it just happened. Either way, my depressed Friend was never happier in his life, he had a great girl, who was attentive to him and made him feel important. He never had a girlfriend before, a real one and so he was overly excited and feel for her to quickly. She was finishing school and now he had to move to the city to work. About oh, 8 months has passed I guess and she's got 2 months left at school before moving to England. She pretty much refuses/makes up excuses not to see him. He has to travel to see her on bus for 3 hours if she lets him see her. He doesn't get the relationship is over, maybe he does now. It is messing him up. He has started to drink again, claiming to me it's the only thing that makes him feel good, all other times he is depressed. He drinks alone in hs apartment because he knows no one in the City, even when one of our good friends came up he kind of brushed them off to drink. He came on MSN and confessed all of this to me. I tried to encourage him to not drink so much, but I didn't want to nag him, everyone else in our circle has openly been concerned about the drinking and he always took it as some sort of attack on him. I was never around for any interventions and my relationship with him has always been me shooting straight from the hip and he generally listens to it. I don't feel like I can really help him online, it's not the same. I suggeste strongly, in fact made him promise me he'd get help from professionals so he can see that he's not 'worthless, stupid, akward, socially retarded' as he has claimed to be. Few other notes. He's not had an easy life. To be honest I think it was a matter of time before all the issues of his life have come back to haunt him and they are now. A broken home (Father left his mother and oldest brother, Mother remarried to a jerk who beat him and had a child with his mother, he left... poverty, emotional abuse, substance abuse as mentioned) the list really goes on and on. I feel guilty that I cannot be there fore him although I know that's unfair to myself. I've always been there for my friends whenever they needed me (A few years ago I moved to Toronto for a friend who needed help, although in a different way). I've sacrificed a lot for my friends and would do it every day if I could... somehow I feel helpless in this situation. Any advice would be great. Peace __________________ "A real leader faces the music, even if he doesn't like the tune." - unknown quote