abaya

Thanks for the wedding perspective, Shani. I did try to be understanding throughout the wedding process (did I mention, too, that both the best man and original maid of honor bailed on the wedding, in addition to the bride axing her side of the family?)... but to be honest, it REALLY stressed me out. I felt like I was in a position to be the loyal, dutiful friend... when really, I wanted to bail on the wedding too. Somehow, I didn't. But I felt resentful the whole time, which wasn't fair to anyone (I was hiding it from them).

And, at the bridal shower, all of the bridesmaids were there planning things beforehand... and you know what? Before the bride arrived, some things slipped out and we all realized that we ALL felt uncomfortable with them getting married, and having to be involved in it. Shit man, if my own bridesmaids all felt awkward about being in the wedding, I KNOW they would tell me to my face... any of my best friends would do that. We are just honest like that. I could not be that honest with this woman because I hardly knew her... yet I was a maid of honor!

Again, I've learned a LOT about boundaries since the wedding fiasco. I guess that's why I want to do the "right" thing with this person, and why I wrote him the e-mail to explain my actions, as you did with your friend. I think it is unfair to not let them know. But I guess as I think more about this, it is less about the flirting business and more about other things. (Like I said, I really don't mind talking about sex, etc. with a comfortable group of people... like most of my friends. But just not this couple in particular... because of the way the friendship has been with me and the guy.)

I certainly don't want to leave the person out in the cold; while I am okay with friendships fading naturally, this one isn't going that way, and that's why I wrote the e-mail. But I also know that if I give this person an inch to negotiate, he is going to want to try and be emotionally close to me again.. and honestly I don't want that.

Is it shallow of me to just want a "Christmas-card friendship" (you know what I mean, like calling/writing once a year with updates, that's it)? Can I actually ask someone for that? And honestly, if the guy doesn't want that, then I am fine with having no friendship at all. I just don't want some intense thing like what we had before.

Thanks again, all. I know this story keeps getting longer/more complicated... but I appreciate your input very much.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran