Tachion

Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner. Their appliances
have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause
my old job sucked. So leave a message after you hear the beep,
and you can be sure it's in the bag.

Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just
eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. Say,
if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just
hold it up to the phone.

Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO
depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner,
but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to
me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep.
Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery
sounding.

Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes
are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll
have an asshole return your call as soon as possible.

Hello, you have reached the DOE, that is, the Department Of
Enemies. Rick Burger is not here right now, so leave a message
saying who you are, what you want to argue about, and where
you'll be, and I'll be there.

This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave
your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's
vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious".

Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's
not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and
confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as
soon as possible. And remember, confession doesn't count unless
you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail!


I found these on the net - add more if you got them!