Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Anomaly_
Could you be my doppelgänger? I have had the exact same experience except that I will be graduating in December as a CS major. Naturally, I've thought about the situation (too much) and I've come to some conclusions.
|
Ok I looked up what doppelwahtever means. Hahaa, creepy word.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Anomaly_
First, the lack of balance was entirely my doing but it wasn't without the benefit of having learned something. And I emphasize "learning something" over the oft-recited "learning how to think," because I think the latter is cemented well before college. I don't recommend rationalizing the strength of your academic experience, though, as it will keep you headed down the same path.
|
I both agree and disagree. I learned alot, but alot of the time I DID learn it on my own. In college the professors don't hand-hold you through class, so if you don't get a good professor who can express his/her thoughts clearly, well, you got the textbook, the TA, and your friends to help you. And you really DO learn how to learn yourself, whether it be making the most of your resources or simply reading the textbook over and over.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Anomaly_
The social aspect that I didn't experience and the reasons for it are more complex. I, too, am shy and I don't engage people that often, or very well. The few acquaintances I've made in college are enough to prove that. My lack of social initiative centers around the self-fulfilling prophecy that I'm not capable of cultivating this skill set.
|
Ok, for me, its not so-much a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that "I cannot be social person because I lack the genes, therefore I'm not". Its more like "I don't have the time to be social, I MUST get good grades, study alot to know this shit cold, etc, so I canNOT spend time doing ____ fun things with ____ people."
But yeah, I know what you mean. Its extremely hard process and vicious cycle to get out of... even though our vicious cycles are different, the end result is the same: lack of social life.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Anomaly_
People can have dispositions that change very little over life, but if you don't make at least make an attempt to improve socially, you don't have the right to declare yourself a social failure outright. I don't know your situation, but for me, this mindset is reinforced because of depression. If it is the case, you may want to look into therapy.
|
I'm sorry to hear about your depression. I hope you're doing better now.
I did consider therapy this past week (fortunately for the first time in my life). I think I'm doing ok, I just need to do what you suggest: TRY to be social before declaring myself a failure. And TRY I will
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Anomaly_
Your effort to experience the other side of college during your final semester is with good intentions, but it's likely to be disappointing if you think it's going to lead to any immediate changes.
|
You're right, and I agree spot on. It's deceptive to make myself belive I'm 'more social' or becoming a 'social person' just by doing one semesters of heavy social activities.
In fact, its not the behaviour change that matters, its the change in mindset or paradigm that needs to take place. This in itself could take a while, or that once it does take place I shouldn't NEED to change my behavior: the behavior will follow my mindset change naturally.
If this doesn't sound like my own idea, you're right, its not. I got it from the book "7 habits of highly effective people" by Stephen Covey. I highly recommend it (even though I've only listend to the audio version not read it). So YES, give it a try and you'll be surprised!
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Anomaly_
I know this feeling of desperation (which honestly seems to be driven by a desire for sex), and it can be frustrating. Finding balance will be a slow process that is going to continue long after college. The pervasive thought of "When am I finally going to get a girlfriend (or friends)?" only adds to the anxiety.
|
Yes, I didn't want to put it so bluntly, but alot of it IS because of this fact.
What irks me is this: I'm not unattractive (in fact people said I was good looking), I'm not a total shy socially clueless person just one who has not had 'social time', but yet I can't for the life of me meet girls, or the few that I do meet, I get nowhere haha.
Although I should not be shifting blame off of myself, for it is my own choice whether I meet girls or not (ie I should of joined more clubs, gone out more, etc), I would like to say that engineering defintiely does not help. There are almost no girls in our classes.
If we were biology majors, half our work would be done. At least half my casual friends would be girls, because for someone who studies most of the time, most of my casual friends are from class.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Anomaly_
My final advice (which I can't seem to follow myself) is to not lose focus of what you have done well, all the while forcing yourself to get out there at meet people. Sacrifice is inherently part of this but something has to give.
|
I totally agree. I hope you too can start sacrificing and balancing, no matter what the situation/time is, whether its just one semester left or college graduation. Just realizing the need for change is not enough, but it is a great start and starting today is always better than never starting at all!