sailor

OK, an addendum.

I was jacking up my cell phone bill and talking to one of my friends back on the other side of the pond about the whole thing. Turns out, he was at a party with my girlfriend a week or so ago. At said party, at some point, she was practically begging him not to let her hook up with anyone.

I don't know what to make of that. There are so many things it could mean--one, she knew she was having problems, but still acted on them. Or, that she knew she was having problems and was trying not to act on them.

Anyways, the whole point that she was having problems so badly in the first place somewhat concerns me. I know people get horny, but I think this could be indicative of some of the commitment issues that I saw in her before we started dating. If she needs her boyfriend to be there with her, thats fine, but if that's the case, we shouldnt be in a long distance relationship.

I also had thought about breaking up with her last week, though not because of anything she had done. I was concerned that we were both being more of a drag on each other than we were a help--she was miserable without me. And I wasn't enjoying having to worry about what would happen if she went to a party and was drinking.

I'm still kind of leaning towards the breakup route anyways. When we first started dating, we had a talk about this and her past--I was concerned then that she might have issues with commitment, and that I wasn't going to be very lenient if there was a problem.

God, I just dont even know what to feel. Angry, sad, defeated, empty, even relieved that I might not have to go 9 more months missing her, after a short painful period of getting over it.

*sigh*

__________________
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato