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I have a fundamental disagreement with that. The thing is, with the right girl it's not about sex. I love sex and it's great, but if I were to find out that for some reason I can never have sex with my current girlfriend again I wouldn't leave her over it. That's not downplaying the importance of sex. It is a need that has to be filled. It isn't the be all and end all of a relationship.
The snag that a lot of guys hit is in admitting that men have emotional needs to. Sometimes I need to feel safe. I need to feel wanted. I have all the same emotional needs as her and I can't get that fulfillment from just anyone. That is to me more important than sex. I survived until I was 17 without sex, if I had to go the rest of my life without sex to fulfill those emotional needs I would.
A healthy relationship is not give and take. It's not a fair exchange. ratbastid touts this and I agree fully. It's giving and acceptance. I give her everything and I accept what she gives me. My emotional fulfillment comes from accepting what she's willing to give and from giving her everything I have. The best possible situation is when both parties give each other 100% but it's not an equal exchange at all and it can't be. It's not possible to have a successful relationship by asking 'what's in it for me', it just doesn't work.
Again, that's not to say that sex isn't important, because it is. If in the above example we could never have sex again, we'd have to figure out an alternate way of doing things; there'd have to be some fulfillment, whether I jerk off to porn or whether she does something else to get me there. It has to be there and she has to be involved at some level. The opposite is also true; she has those same needs and if I wasn't able to fulfill them through sex we'd have to talk about it and figure something else out.
Men and women are not so far different as everyone seems to think. We have the same physical, mental and emotional requirements and we all need them filled. The sooner a person realizes that the better off they are when it comes to having a healthy relationship.
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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said
- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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