I was trying to figure out why men's attempts romance often fail. Especially post "lust" phase of a relationship.
The common advice is to wine, dine and treat your girl well. Why doesn't this always work?
What happens is that the woman sees every attempt at romance as a desperate bid for sex. What's worse is that as sex becomes less and less frequent; every attempt at romance DOES become a desperate bid for sex.
Now it seems to me that some men are ashamed of thier sex drive. As such they end up trying to convince themselves that their amorous actions are not driven by thier lust. Which is an outright lie, their actions ARE driven by lust.
Men tend to take sex at face value, women tend to view sex and relationships emotionaly. This means that men are easilly stimulated by the situation itself, it's why we are always ready to go, while women are stimulated by the emotions they are feeling, so a sexual situation that doesnt have the right emotional conotations won't turn a girl on. It also means that women look for emotional values in everything. A poem, dinner or a hug are all just things. A woman needs to connect them with her ideal aroused emotional state in order for them to have an impact. A poem might show sensitivity, a dinner will show the ability to provide and a hug may make her feel safe and cared for. If all these feelings combined will make her feel like she is with the right man then instincts kick in.
Where does all this leads? It shows us that some men are shooting blindfolded hopping to strike the right target. They assume that simply following a script given to them by a friend or some magazine will lead them down the right avenues. And this is where dishonesty with with oneself spawns. The best a woman will do after seeing such attempts is give a guy bitersweet reward sex. Which fucks guys up even more. They want sex, and they are aware that certain actions may leed them there but they don't know exactly how these actions connect to the final result. So they try to improve on these actions individually without realizing their place in the grand sheme of things. And what can be more pure then a selfless action? Yet this is a direct contradiction of one's goals. A selfless hug most likely won't touch on any feelings that are related to her state of arousal. Some men forget this. The goal is to excite her, to meet her set of criteria that will make her want you.
In order for this to happen, every action needs to strike a chord with her ideal emotional state. How do you know what that is? Ask her. Not with questions like: what do you like? Ask her how she want's to feel. Remember women are emotional creatures. So if her answer does not describe a state of mind you have to either explicate it from her or take an intuitive guess.
For example if you ask a woman what kind of a man she likes she may say: "tall, dark and handsome". That doesnt necessarily mean a goodlooking black basketball player. What she might actually be saying is that she want's to feel safe (tall), she wants a thrill or to feel naughty (dark) and she want's to be able to show her guy off (handsome). Now that you know what emotional states she desires you can fulfil them without having to be in the NBA. You can exercise to build muscle or simply make an effort to keep her close in public places or dangerous areas. Something as simple as putting an arm around her might be enough to make her feel safe. You can cross the boundaries of acceptable affectionate behaviour in public places. Don't just kiss her in the middle of a reception, make it daring, pull her asside, grab hold of her, wait for her to resist a little. Experiment, there are ALLOT of boundaries to be crossed giving her that little thrill. Finally, something as simple as making yourself look half way decent so she can take you out to fancy outings may fulfil her need for a guy she can show off. These are just examples, every girl is differnt and it's up to you to find out exactly what she wants. By doing so, you are already satisfying a universal need - to be understood, to feel a bond.
Unlike our attempts at "pure/selfless" gifts and actions this is as honest as it gets. Here a man is making an effort to fulfil his partners and his own desires. Ironically, the only way to achieve this is a guy to be true to himself and do it in the name of sex.
Wow you made it all the way down here. Thank you for reading.
Now after all that time what's a minute more to write a responce?
