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Your Dad is the problem.
Address the problem.
Reanna, my advice is to plan a meal with your hubby and kids. Call your Dad and say that you would like to invite your siblings and parents. Also tell him you think that SIL presence would diminish everyone's enjoyment of the holiday, so you are not going to invite her. When he replies that "if she's not invited, then I'm not coming." Tell him he'll be missed.
This standoff has been on its way for a while. Go ahead and blast it off so you can get back to planning your holiday. Your father already picked his side, apparently. You need to go ahead and tell him yours.
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The sad thing is... as you get older you come to realize that you don't so much pilot your life, as you just try to hold on, in a screaming, defiant ball of white-knuckle anxious fury 
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