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lol good order flyman.
you think the fast food thing is bad, you should try answering the phone at a pizza shop near a large university on a friday or saturday night between 1 and 3 am (ie when every drunk on campus decides to call).
typical conversation (my thoughts in parentheses):
me: Thank you for calling Generic Pizza, how can I help you?
it: yeah, I wanna order a pisha.
me: (no shit. really? you sure you werent trying to call for a paramedic to pump your stomach, you drunk fuckhead?) sure, what would you like?
it: {yelling to buddies in background} hey, what kinda pisha you guysh want? {to me} hang on a shec.
me: (I'll put this drunk idiot on hold so he figure out what he wants. meanwhile I can answer another call) ok, can you hold for a moment?
it: uh yeah, ok, LARGE!
me: (great, he figured it out) ok sir, and what would you like on that large pizza?
it: um, er, hold on, 'kay? {yelling to his buddies again} hey, hey, HEY!! what do yoush ijits wanna get on tha pisha? {lots of confused yelling in background}
me: pardon me sir while I put you on hold for a moment.
click
In the next 90-120 seconds I take three other orders, check the ovens, pull, slice and box 3 pizzas and route them with the drivers. Then I return to the drunk on line 1.
me: Thank you for holding sir, so, that was one large pizza. Have you decided on toppings?
it: {no answer, but can hear noises in the background. sounds suspiciously like a bong hit}
me: sir? are you still there?
it: cough cough cough hack choke cough hack cough {yep, suspicion confirmed} somebody gimme a beer.
me: sir, have you decided on toppings for your pizza?
it: what? oh yeah. hey guysh, what da fuck we want on tha pisha?
me: (fucking idiot already forgot he was ordering a pizza) perhaps you'd like to call back when you have your order ready sir?
it: what? no, hang on. {sound of phone dropping, more yelling and arguing} ok, im back. gimme two small pishas, one pepperoni and one extra cheese.
me: ok thats two small pizza, one with pepperoni and one with extra cheese. will that be all?
it: yeah, no wait, can you bring us a twelve pack?
me: no sir, Im sorry but Generic Pizza doesnt have beer.
it: shit. well how about if the delivery guy picks up some on the way over here? we'll tip him extra...
me: im sorry sir, but thats against company policy and probably the law too.
it: well fuck you then asshole. yer pisha sucks anyway.
me: thank you for calling Generic Pizza, goodnight, dick!
click
used to get that same basic call about twice an hour during the drunk rush.
dont even get me started on what its like delivering pizzas during that same time period.
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He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz
I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...
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