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Wow. That's tough. I think honestly that this happens in more than most people realize. A lot of couples hit that 5 year dry spell. It sounds like you are hitting more than a dry spell. It's more like a drought.
My wife and I have been married for just over 6 years. She is expecting our second son any day now. She is obviously going thru some emotional ups and downs since she has been pregnant. I understand that. Luckily, I have not had to deal with the kinds of things you are facing.
A good friend of my wife's deals with much the same thing that you two are going thru. The wife rarely likes to have sex. In their case though, I don't think that the husband is showing her much reason to. She takes an anti depressant which seems to help some. My brother's second wife also takes anti depressants. He said she tried getting off of them for a while and she got real moody and never wanted to have sex. I am not saying that drugs are the answer, but they may help the problem. My wife has refused to take any type of anti depressant because she does not want to be dependant on any drugs to make her feel normal. I can see her point, but in your case if it changed your sex life, it may be worth it.
Is she easily angered or upset? Do you have a good relationship outside of the sexaul? If it is strictly sexual, I may suggest sexual counseling. It does not sound like you have a problem with lust or anything since you said you feel ashamed when you masturbate. This is usually what fuels the fire in many relationships. The husband usually resorts to lust or even the worst case cenario, adultery. DO NOT allow yourself to get to the point of cheating on your wife. IT IS NEVER WORTH IT. Rather than trying to fix the problem by going outside the marriage, try fixing what you do have. You have spent 5 years building your relationship. Why mess it all up by cheating? Trust me, you will never ever live it down. I made the mistake of cheating on my wife before we were even married and she still remembers. At least she is now to the point where she doesn't hold it over my head any longer.
Try to find a couple that is going thru a similar circumstance. I bet if you started talking more with some of the people you know, you would realize that there some of those people either are or have gone thru similar situations or know someone who has. Try to stay away from those who have done the wrong thing and went outside of the marriage bed and ended in divorce. They should be a good example of what not to do.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help.
Hang in there. There are a lot of people here to support you.
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I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. ~Marsha Doble
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