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Originally Posted by analog
There are lots of children given up for adoption every day, and not nearly enough loving parents to go around. Biological or not, when you raise a child, that is your child. You are their parents. Every kid needs and deserves love, and that includes kids without parents, so go give them some.
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i'm not arguing against what you are saying, but as someone in a similar situation, these are the types of comments that hurt worse than my inability to conceive without medical intervention.
yes, lots of kids are available for adoption and people who adopt them and love them as their own are wonderful parents. i'm not disputing that in any way. kids want parents, i want kids--put us together and everyone should be happy, adoption is the answer.
but what makes that line of thinking painful, is that there is an underlying implication that there is something wrong with my wanting a biological child. people who don't need medical help to have a child aren't faced with this--no one asks why they'd go through the expense and hardships of pregnancy when they could have adopted a child instead. there's no implication that they are somehow not good people because they didn't adopt a child in need of parents. for those who choose fertility treatments, they are sometimes (and i'm not referring to this thread--i'm talking in general) considered selfish because they want to
have a child rather than just raise a child.
adoption is a wonderful thing--i'm not disputing that. but so is having a biological child. it isn't like the only people choosing to have biological children are those who can't afford to adopt. both will make you a parent, but i don't believe they are the same. i'm not saying one is better than the other--it's a personal decision on which is right for the individual.
it's very easy for people who aren't faced with this to support adoption over fertility treatments. and as someone who didn't know until a few years ago that i was in this situation--i totally understand it. i remember when i didn't know and saying, no biggie if i can't have my own cause i can just adopt. but once you are faced with actually
being in that situation, it isn't all that easy. some people choose to try fertility treatments, some choose to adopt and there are a few who opt to just not have children at all. but whatever route they choose, for most of them it is a difficult decision to make.
even with medical help, my body will only provide me the chance to have a child to a certain point in my life. i am limited not just by my bank account and medical miracles, but also by the same basic bodily processes all women are. adoption is more forgiving. if my body says i'm done at 40, i still have the option to adopt available to me.
that is why personally, i lean towards trying for a biological child first. i have more time to adopt than i do to conceive.