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Old 07-30-2005, 04:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
stevie667
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Location: Angloland
Matches [Synonyms: (Raw) Fire, Chatches, Fire-sticks]
[Pronunciation guide: Mat-chiz]

An older version of the ‘lighter’, with a small piece of wood dipped in a heat flammable phosphorous compound. When struck against a match box, rough surface or lit with a ‘lighter’, the match will combust furiously producing fire, with which one can light ‘snouts’, ‘bubs’ or fingers.
Two types of matches are available for general sale the safety match and the strike anywhere match. Military users can purchase nitro-glycerine enhanced matches for use on hard to light Columbian ‘bubs’.
The safety match will light only on the striking part of a match box, or when lit by a lighter. The significantly more dangerous strike anywhere match will do exactly what it says in the box, and due care must be taken to stop spontaneous combustion of trouser pockets if carried loosely with coins.
Strike anywhere matches can also be used to show off neat party tricks such as lighting a match on ones tooth. It is advised not to swallow the match once lighted, however strong ‘munchies’ may be.
Matches are single use and bought in packets. Care must be taken when ‘fucked’ that one does not accidentally put a lighted match in or near a box of matches, as this would cause large amounts of fire unsuitable for lighting smokables. This type of fire is known to rapidly burn important things down and renders ‘munchies’ inedible. The destruction of ‘munchies’ should be avoided whenever possible.
Matches are generally considered second rate to ‘lighters’, though should be kept close to hand, as lighters usually congregate in the next room, which is too far for the average ‘fucked’ pack member to travel.
Lighted matches should be kept out of eyesight of elephants, as they tend to use internal fire suppression to put out the match. Fire suppressions elephants are not common in households, and as such, normal elephants will do a poor job.
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