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Tilted Cat Head
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by martinguerre
i have to say i'm not really convinced by the tone of this thread... suave is right to point out that basically, the situation being suggested is to walk away.
now, i'm all in favor of moving out of the house...it was the best thing to ever happen to my relationship with my folks since i was about 11 or so. that said, it didn't come at the expense of education or other opportunities, but as a result of them. so honestly...do we really want to suggest universally that the solution is cut and run?
parenting has a lot to do with respect, both getting and giving it. while this may be utilitarian advice for the people involved...it perpetuates a pretty odd view of things. i've never thought that being a little dictator was the goal of parenting, nor do i think this encourages proper development in to responsible adulthood.
nor can i imagine not bein involved in my kid's lives, including financially, after they turn 18. just becuase the state won't arrest me for not supporting them after that date doesn't mean i'm required to cut them off.
basically...the advice you're giving is functionally appropriate for those who are in the young adult, can't get along with the folks stage. but it doesn't ask questions about the long term cost of such a departure, nor does it ask parents why they've chosen to construct a particular view of parenting.
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The point of this thread was not to ask the questions of the long term cost of such departure or even why parents do what they do, that is a disussion which is not what this thread was about, it was about clarifying the dozen or so posts that came around the inception of this thread of people whining about how the parents aren't given them space, room, money, new computer, college education funds, etc.
While you may feel the way that you do feel about parenting, there's a million other parents that feel the way they do and are entitled to do it by "their rules." Again this can bring different questions to the table. Ultimately when saddled with the questions of what to do, are there really any alternatives to what I've suggested that will actually move or propel one forward from the situation positive or negative? I think I covered all bases, if I missed one, I'm happy to explore it.
The questions of costs and parenting, you are welcome to explore that question in a different thread if it so interests you and I think it could be a worthy discussion, but again, ultimately when the parents get tired of "playing the game" they trump all cards with "my house, my rules."
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