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HOW IMPORTANT IS SEX TO YOU? DO YOU HAVE SEX ONLY WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP, OR DO YOU SEEK IT OUT AT OTHER TIMES?
I will have sex only with someone whom I have known for a minimum of three months and only once I have established with her an intimate emotional connection. Anything else just seems irresponsible.
DESCRIBE YOUR MOST EMBARASSING MOMENT
I applied for Big Brother 4, and got a call back for a personal interview, and when they did my background check, they discovered that just about everything I'd put in my application was a bald faced lie.
WHAT WAS THE LAST UNUSUAL, EXCITING, OR SPONTANEOUS OUTING YOU INSTIGATED?
Well, I went into the big city for therapy, and when I was done--prepare to be shocked--I went window shopping. I even--and this is the part where it gets a little bit naughty--tried on clothes that were too expensive and I had no intention of buying. Whew! I am so glad to get that off my chest.
Wait, last week, instead of Subway, I got my lunch at Quiznos instead. Gotta tell you, that was quite an adventure.
DESCRIBE SOMETHING YOU WOULD DO IF YOU KNEW YOU WOULDN'T GET CAUGHT.
Photoshop Ashton Kutcher's head onto various porn stars' bodies in hard core porn movies and mail the resulting videos to all of the studio heads in Hollywood.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS, SPECIAL NEEDS, OR FEARS WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?
I am severly camera phobic. I haven't let anyone but my wife take a picture of me in more than five years, and then only rarely. I'm hoping that my appearance on the show could be edited out, or even better, my scenes could be reinacted by someone who closely resembles me, like say, Nikki Cox.
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.
~Steven Colbert
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