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Originally Posted by Cynthetiq
I did have a previous engagement when I was about 20, engagement plan like yours, wait until after finishing school putting it at about 25, not too young to make the commitment etc.
After that did not work out, I'm glad that we didn't rush it because well, I'd be on my second marriage now.
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I think the issue is you don't have to be engaged. My wife and I 'dated' for 6 years. Had we been engaged for those 6 would it have mattered? Engagement is a public statement, WE WILL BE MARRIED, and when you wait for years it does seem like a lack of commitment.
'We will be married, but not now we are too busy, and don't have the money, so at some point, we don't know when, we will be married, and we will let you know then, nothing to see here.'
You don't need a ring to be commited to each other, so if you say you are engaged you better damn well expect the next question to be 'when is the wedding' and expect people to be a bit ambivalent about it when you say 'we don't know' or '5 years from now'.