Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - dont know where to post this, but need relationship help bad

Sage · 05-14-2005, 06:20 PM

I know how you feel. When you're with someone, and you started off loving them before the emotional problems come out, it's easy to start overlooking the emotional problems when they affect you. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, and everyone around me could see what it was doing to me- except me. Now that it's been two years, I realize that all the issues that I thought were caused by me were actually caused by him, and his issues.

Your fiancee is seriously, hugely, staggeringly emotonally and mentally traumatized. She was raped and didn't tell anyone about it (I'm assuming she didn't tell anyone of authority because she didn't tell her parents). She's exceedingly jealous of you and your activities, but doesn't want you to be jealous or "restrictive" of her activites. She is obviously making poor judgement calls (i.e.- going to a party to smoke pot, hanging out with a bunch of her ex BF's). On top of that she's making you feel like a scumbag because you were expressing concern for her. I think that, in your best interest, you need to seperate yourself from her. She's going to go postal about it, accept that fact, but also realize that staying with her is emotionally draining on you and your mental state of mind. Staying with her will mean your life will start to revolve more and more around her and her issues, leaving you no time at all to grow yourself, or to enjoy your life.

Love is a beautiful thing- a healthy relationship has give and take, huge amounts of communication, and trust. Your relationship has none of these things. You say you don't know what to do- do you go to college? Most colleges have a counseling center that will help you figure out what to do. There are professional, helpful people there that can help you (in an unbiased and honest way) figure out what to do, and help you figure out what's best for you and for your fiancee. I STRONGLY recommend talking to a counselor, because it helped me TREMENDOUSLY during and after my emotionally abusive relationship.

Life is too short to be in bad relationships.

05-14-2005, 06:20 PM	#19 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	I know how you feel. When you're with someone, and you started off loving them before the emotional problems come out, it's easy to start overlooking the emotional problems when they affect you. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, and everyone around me could see what it was doing to me- except me. Now that it's been two years, I realize that all the issues that I thought were caused by me were actually caused by him, and his issues. Your fiancee is seriously, hugely, staggeringly emotonally and mentally traumatized. She was raped and didn't tell anyone about it (I'm assuming she didn't tell anyone of authority because she didn't tell her parents). She's exceedingly jealous of you and your activities, but doesn't want you to be jealous or "restrictive" of her activites. She is obviously making poor judgement calls (i.e.- going to a party to smoke pot, hanging out with a bunch of her ex BF's). On top of that she's making you feel like a scumbag because you were expressing concern for her. I think that, in your best interest, you need to seperate yourself from her. She's going to go postal about it, accept that fact, but also realize that staying with her is emotionally draining on you and your mental state of mind. Staying with her will mean your life will start to revolve more and more around her and her issues, leaving you no time at all to grow yourself, or to enjoy your life. Love is a beautiful thing- a healthy relationship has give and take, huge amounts of communication, and trust. Your relationship has none of these things. You say you don't know what to do- do you go to college? Most colleges have a counseling center that will help you figure out what to do. There are professional, helpful people there that can help you (in an unbiased and honest way) figure out what to do, and help you figure out what's best for you and for your fiancee. I STRONGLY recommend talking to a counselor, because it helped me TREMENDOUSLY during and after my emotionally abusive relationship. Life is too short to be in bad relationships. __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi