Great diversity of responses... thanks, all.
Two things I should add:
1) This is all hypothetical, as we're not engaged and not planning to get married anytime soon. However the topic came up in discussion, so that's why I'm posting it now.
2) If I want to respect and include family members and friends, that does not mean that I am doing things to "please" them rather than myself. For me, family is really important. Anthropologically, Westerners are pretty much the only people on earth to insist on marriage being between two individuals; cross-culturally, this is a pretty selfish view of things, since marriage brings together two family groups.
I like the idea of a wedding being a cultural bridge, especially because I am the only native-born American citizen in my family... I'm half-Thai and half-Icelandic, so I've never had the chance to have a family get-together with both sides to celebrate anything, and this has always been a desire of mine for when I get married. And considering ktspktsp is Lebanese, our wedding would bring together people from at least four different countries for a big ol' party, which would certainly never happen again in our lifetimes.
So regardless of who officiates (I like the idea of having a friend do it, the Universalist approach--I really don't think I want a religious leader of any kind), I do not want to be married in a courthouse. I would also like to know how people of different beliefs (and I don't mean different religions, since atheism is not technically a religion but an ideology) have done this sort of thing, and if you have tried to have a "spiritual" but non-religious wedding.
Btw, ng I'm glad you claim the title of a spiritual atheist. I hadn't heard that before, but I like it... what does it mean for you, though?