Hey Augi, read what you added to Cybertooth, very interesting.
A few more things/nitpicks.
Who's perspective is the story being told from? Some parts are written from Jake's POV, other parts are written from an omnicscient 3rd person. Consistency again. But it's not a bad thing to write from different perspectives, a la Rashamon, but you should stay consistent within one section.
Also, a few homonyms are incorrect. By/buy. Reign/rain.
Anyhow, your content is great, I'm just nitpicking on the form.
