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I like it a lot. Neat story. I like the cyberpunk genre and I like what I see here. If I may, a few recommendations:
1. If this is going to grow into a longer story, maybe introduce the characters separately and individually? Grow them each on their own and bring them together after? I want to know the characters in the context outside of each other. I know its short now, so its hard :-)
2. I really like a lot of the details. The really flesh out the story. Some of the details though don't seem to fit with the story as is. Buying stolen monitors from a guy named "Acid Rad" is distracting - I need more setup. How did these kids "cross the line" to the black/grey market?
Great start, though! I would work on fleshing out the characters and their backgrounds. I could see this going to neat places!
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