Though this was originally posted before my time, I really like it! The fact you wrote it for rap makes it all the more powerful.... You're angry and frustrated - the words aren't meant to come across relaxing and soothing. The mental pictures you created were really original - especially the bubbles on needles across your knuckles. I could really see those things happening. Can't wait to see more! 
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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna
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