Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Getting my girlfriend more comfortable, advice?

thed00t · 09-28-2004, 04:05 PM

It could be a number of things.

One, she's just plain afraid of screwing up because she cares a lot about you. She's comfortable enough to push you away, but not comfortable enough to let you know how inexperienced she is. She could self conscience about not "knowing what to do". But that is better than her sleeping with you when she isn't comfortable with it because she doesn't want you to become frustrated with her. So at least she's comfortable enough, emotionally, with you to even push you away and not expect disappointment on your part. Which means you need to continue to be patient and not express disappointment. Girls tend to pick up on little nuances and she may interpret you're bringing the issue up as potential disappointment. Even though that is clearly not your intent.

Or two, it could be that she has a personal hang up about sex and she's not ready to move on yet. This might just take time, or it might take a deeper understanding of what's she's really thinking. It could be a personal experience that makes her develop anxiety.

Or it could even be that she's playing hard to get to make sure that you feel the same way about her as she does you. She keeps mentioning that she cares so much about you. This could be scary territory for her. "What if I screw it up? What if he's only after sex? I might lose my best friend!”

The bottom line is that she's clearly not comfortable with that stage of the relationship and it might be made worsened by your attempts to communicate. I know, catch 22, if you don't communicate you're not sensitive to her needs, but if you do, by bringing it up, and she feels pressured. Make sure she understands that you care about her and you are willing to wait as long as necessary. After that, don't bring it up. Keep making attempts, but if she pushes you away, just cuddle with her for a few moments and then break away. Don't be overbearing. This could not only scare her away, but also set a bad expectation. Any guy who has dated an insecure woman knows what I'm referring to. But the cuddling and holding will do a lot for her physical feelings of security and I'm sure she'll come around eventually.

One additional suggestion is to make her feel like she’s exciting to you. Tell her that you want to be the one that takes her through these experiences.

Good luck!

09-28-2004, 04:05 PM	#3 (permalink)
thed00t I'm a fool.	It could be a number of things. One, she's just plain afraid of screwing up because she cares a lot about you. She's comfortable enough to push you away, but not comfortable enough to let you know how inexperienced she is. She could self conscience about not "knowing what to do". But that is better than her sleeping with you when she isn't comfortable with it because she doesn't want you to become frustrated with her. So at least she's comfortable enough, emotionally, with you to even push you away and not expect disappointment on your part. Which means you need to continue to be patient and not express disappointment. Girls tend to pick up on little nuances and she may interpret you're bringing the issue up as potential disappointment. Even though that is clearly not your intent. Or two, it could be that she has a personal hang up about sex and she's not ready to move on yet. This might just take time, or it might take a deeper understanding of what's she's really thinking. It could be a personal experience that makes her develop anxiety. Or it could even be that she's playing hard to get to make sure that you feel the same way about her as she does you. She keeps mentioning that she cares so much about you. This could be scary territory for her. "What if I screw it up? What if he's only after sex? I might lose my best friend!” The bottom line is that she's clearly not comfortable with that stage of the relationship and it might be made worsened by your attempts to communicate. I know, catch 22, if you don't communicate you're not sensitive to her needs, but if you do, by bringing it up, and she feels pressured. Make sure she understands that you care about her and you are willing to wait as long as necessary. After that, don't bring it up. Keep making attempts, but if she pushes you away, just cuddle with her for a few moments and then break away. Don't be overbearing. This could not only scare her away, but also set a bad expectation. Any guy who has dated an insecure woman knows what I'm referring to. But the cuddling and holding will do a lot for her physical feelings of security and I'm sure she'll come around eventually. One additional suggestion is to make her feel like she’s exciting to you. Tell her that you want to be the one that takes her through these experiences. Good luck!