OK first of all I was a little tongue-in-the-cheek, so before everyone jumps on me again I am not little Mr. Prick-for-a-head mkay?
Oh and BTW, this is my fiancee actually, not just my GF. We have been living together for over two years, and been together for longer.
Quote:
Originally posted by brianna
While I also prefer a female doctor (because i feel more comfortable talking to another woman) your concerns about "A man sticking anything in her" are a bit misdirected. this is a doctor not a sexual practice and you should by no means feel threatened or jealous of the situation.
1. http://skelbimas.lt/asirtu/archive_en/gynecology.htm
2. i've never had it hurt though some women do experience some minor discomfort.
3. ~20mins
4. they doctor might be willing to allow you to come along, and while i admire your efforts to support your girlfriend (And encourage her to go to the doctor, good boy!) she might want to consider going in alone so that she can establish a relationship with her doctor. it's important for her to feel comfortable with the doctor and (scary as it may be) she may be more easily able to do this in a one on one situation.
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I know there is no sexual connectation and I know its misdirected. It still freaks me out a little. Or am I not allowed to have feelings about this?
As far as the coming along bit, let me make this clear: Not my idea. Hers. She wants me to come along, she wants me to come in with her. If she wants me to stay at home. Fine. If she wants me to be in the waiting room or in the car. Fine. If she wants me in the exam room with her, like she says. Fine as well. This IS about her I do realize that and I will do everything I can to make it as easy and comfortable for HER as I can. This is my only concern. My man-ego is not THAT small
Thanks for your help
Quote:
Originally posted by maleficent
First off... It's her decision not yours, and if you think the doctor is going to get off on sticking something in her you really need to get a clue...
I have had a male gyno for years, and prefer it. All you want is a doctor who will listen and understand, that's not something that only women do.
Now I have a few questions:
1. What exactly are they going to do?
Before she gets undressed, since it's her first visit the doctor will talk to her for a little bit, to see where she is, and if she has any questions./
She will be asked is she's sexually active - and what she's done and what birth control she's on. BE HONEST.
2. Will it hurt? What will hurt? How much will it hurt?T
The speclum is a little uncomfortable, and the pap smear is a little uncomfortable. but hurt? No. The speclum is what the doctor inserts to get a view of her inner workings, and makes it easier to access. The speclum can be a little chilly, that's what is uncomfortable, most doctors will warm it up.
her breasts will also be checked for lumps or any signs of tumors, she will also probably be given instruction on how to do self exams.
3. How long will it take?
5 minutes
4. Am I allowed to go in with her for the exam? She does not want to go alone. She is terrified. And bloody hell so am I (although i am not telling her this - no need to make it worse).
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT!! NO NO NO NO NO... The doctor by law must keep everything she says confidential, if her botfriend is standing there, she's not going to be totally honest in her answers - do you really want to know about her menstrual cycle or other things? Does she really want to tell you about that?
There will always be a nurse present. Doctors know this is not awoman's favorite activity - and are sympathetic to that. SHould you go in? NO
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First off, I KNOW ITS HER DECISION. And I am going to support her no matter what her decision may be. And I don't think there is anything sexual about, or atleast 90% of me thinks that, but there still is that other part of me thats quite freaked out about it still. Maybe I am a primitive son-of-a-bitch. I don't know, and couldn't care much less at all. As my body is something only she gets to touch and vice versa it is a big deal for us. Maybe I should mention that we were both virgins when we met? Maybe this makes more sense to you then. so please fuckin excuse my filthy untravelled slipper-wearing arse.
If SHE prefers a male gyno, then by all means she can go to a male gyno and I will be supportive of her decision COMPLETELY. But she does not. She's nervous enough as it is, and she wants a female doctor. So by bloody Satan' pink pantaloons we will find her a female doctor. Not because thats my preference, but because its hers. I'm not some chauvenist control freak. I DO NOT HAVE HER LOCKED UP IN A CAGE I SWEAR - HONEST.
And as far as her menstrual cycle goes etc. thats not something she keeps private from me. In fact we don't keep anything private from eachother. I quickly hand wash her clothes when there's been a little too much flow or whatever when she's feeling lousy. I help to keep her comfortable. I throw used pads etc in the garbage for her, I bring and buy her new ones when they are not in reach (And to make you feel better, maleficient, I even let her choose the brand and type and everything!! Aren't I just the greatest?
). The whole thing does not gross me out AT ALL, and she is perfectly open and fine about it with me. Hell I even still do my "duty" while she's in the mood. This is part of her life, so its part of mine now as well. Why? Because I love her. Its that simple. She did not have to share any of this with me, I did not force her, she involved me. If I went for a rectal exam for prostate cancer or whatever then I'd want her with me too.
But I guess this goes to show what happens when you get a little too honest on an internet forum, and admit that you do have insecurities.
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Originally posted by xepherys
It's amazing the variance of opinion in this thread so far. It never ceases to amaze me HOW different each of us are.
Having been a guy in your situation before I would say the following:
Male vs. Female Gyno... dude, let her decide. If she wants a female, then great... if she wants a male or doesn't care, it isn't up to you. Gynocologists see dozens of women every day. She doesn't have anything they haven't seen before. *shrug* If you're THAT jealous (i've been there myself, so I speak from experience) your insecurity needs some serious help. Talk with your gf about THAT... honestly!
As for going in with her, that's up to her as well, and then to you. Confidentiality only applies to the doctor doling out info. If you're THERE, it means nothing confidentiality-wise. As for her honesty... I'm shocked females would respond as I've seen. If she can't talk to you about her cycle, there are some communication issues. Things like that are just part of who you are. If it's too "gross" or "embarassing" then one or both of you need to mature a little bit. (No, Phenomenon, I know you didn't say that... just making the point). There's nothing I can't talk about in front of my wife, and nothing as far as I know that she can't in front of me. Health and nature are just part of who we are, male or female...
</rant>
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I am letting her decide. And no I am not THAT jealous so I will get over whatever she chooses. My insecure bwain will survive!
I realise that its up to her and I am leaving it up to her. I probably was not clear enough about that in my original post. And I agree that if she can't talk to me about her cycle or anything else then there is a communication problem. This is not our second date BTW. There is nothing we can't and don't talk about with eachother. And no, menstruation is not gross at all.
Quote:
Originally posted by Averett
Also, this isn't about making you comfortable (ie: you wanting to be there, no male gyno's) its about making her comfortable. Just keep that in mind. Your insecurities are going to have to take a back seat here. She'll tell you all about the visit later I'm sure.
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I agree its not about making me comfortable. I was just expressing my discomfort in the post, which in retrospect was a huge mistake.
I'll say this again: She wants me to be with her. (I also want to be there with her but thats just not the bloody point.) My insecurities ARE taking the backseat, in fact, they are getting off the bus for this ride.
Quote:
Originally posted by maleficent
There's a difference between husband and boyfriend - maybe there are some questions his girlfriend has - that are quite franky none of his business - -she's not going to ask them if he's there.
It's not the grossness of it or ickiness of it -- it's there info that's personal ...
Maybe there's stuff in her past that the doctor needs to know but the boyfriend doesnt...
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If there are things that are none of my business - and at this point in our relationship I dont think there is anything in either of our lives that are none of the other's business - she would not ask me with her, now would she? I may not be her husband yet on paper, but we are married in every other sense, and putting it on paper soon. If there really is stuff she does not want me to know, I will respect that and back off. But I think in that case it means we have a problem with our relationship.