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Holo · 07-07-2004, 05:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Prince
This may be one of those questions that doesn't really have a good answer...but I feel like I really want to ask, anyway.

I'm 27, and have been happily married for a year. Thing is, I've only ever had sexual relations with one woman - my wife - and at times this bothers me a bit. And I don't really know why...perhaps because when it comes to sex, she isn't as interested in experimentation and, well, lewdness. So now and again I find myself almost wishing I had had more sexual experience prior to finding her and marrying her, just so I would not feel...meh, I don't really know how to describe it. I mean, I love my wife more than anything or anyone. This isn't about love, it's about sex.

Gettting the 7 year itch 6 years early huh? I'm not trying to browbeat you but you probably should have tried out more women before you made a long term commitment. However, you made the commitment and you do love her so you gotta work with what you have.

Sometimes, maybe because I'm a selfish, dumb male, I don't really want to make love... I just want to fuck. I just want to pull her panties down, press her against the kitchen table, and shove it in. Or just have her unzip my pants out of the blue and suck me dry.

You're not stupid or selfish at all-just a male. Don't feel bad for any of your feelings. Your kind of sex is no problem on occasion, and in fact can give your sex life a bit of zip where it can become humdrum in a marriage. I personally like foreplay more than she does, but I definitely wouldn't be adverse to a quick fuck/suck in various locations. Men and women differ greatly most of the time on this. She's fairly typical as females go.

I'd satisfy her even if I weren't in the mood, but she's always said she wouldn't feel comfortable just simply giving me a blowjob or something unless she got off too...because she would feel "used". This type of spontaneous nookie isn't her thing, never has been, and I don't see her ever even considering allowing it to happen.

Read the underlined words over and over. She was never the sexually adventurous sort; you knew that going in. You'll just have to either accept that she isn't gonna change to please you or perhaps tell her these things are your fantasies and you wouldn't mind indulging in them with her once in a while.

She wants the whole deal... sweet nothings, slow lead-up, you know the drill. And most of the time, I enjoy that immensely, too, but then there are times when I wish I could just jump into action, so to speak.

Again, your feelings are not wrong. In a perfect world you would get the most compatible sex partner, but you fell in love with someone who isn't your exact sexual match. Again you should talk with her about your feelings, but please DO NOT HOUND HER. It NEVER works!!!! Just make it known that you would like a little adventure now and then and let her take the initiative, if she does at all. If she doesn't you will either have to accept it or perhaps separate down the road if you can't accept a banal sex life.

This didn't use to be an issue, but with the both of us working crazy schedules now, we don't have much time, or energy, for sexual encounters that require a lot of "pre-heating". She seems happy with it, having sex once a week (which is what it's down to now). But I'm not... To make matters worse, I get off from work in the early afternoon, she gets off later in the evening, and oftentimes I will end up feeling like I'd actually prefer to just jack off in the afternoon right after work, get that instant, quick relief that I need and have energy for, rather than wait for hours for something that either won't be happening anyway, or I won't have energy for.

Man we need to go bowling or something....you just described my life pretty well. Feel good it's once a week...mine is down to maybe once every 3-6 weeks now when it was 4x a week at start. Ppl change for a myriad of reasons, and for many women (NOT ALL) a commitment is sexual shutdown time. I'm not trying to scare you, just saying it could be worse than you think it is now. If you need a jerk, then do it! Some women will never understand a man's needs or be willing enough to keep them satisfied. I'm not knocking your wife at all, just saying that many typical women put sex on the back burner once a serious commitment is made.

All this obviously renders me selfish, a typical heartless bastard of a man, and ya know what, I'm fine with that. I'm too exhausted emotionally to really care... The thing is, that this trend in my sex life has left me wondering, more often than not, whether this is what sex life is like when you get close to 30 and are married and whatnot.

It is when you marry someone who isn't very sexually compatible with you. You married for love, but you got the short end of the sexual stick. It happens a LOT in marriages. And being selfish is just as normal as your malle sex drive. Sex is about all the things she gets out of it, but it is also about fulfillment, especially for males. Don't apologize for being male, especially to her. If you make this a sexist issue, you have already lost.

I guess my question, the one that follows, is directed mainly to male members of the forums, because they are more likely to be able to relate. How different IS sex with different women? Have you ever had sexual encounters with women that enjoy sporadic quickies?

Yes, women can be as different as snowflakes sexually. I'll be honest and say I've fooled around with maybe 5 women in my life total, and not all have been full on sex. But each was different. Some better, some worse, some just different. My current gf is easily twice as good in bed as my ex, it's just getting her interested now. Women vary greatly in sexual desire and prowess. Just listen to some of the female TFPers...some them sound like sex crazed perverts (that's a good thing ladies) but many, and I mean the majority, of women stick sex on the back burner in a serious long term commitment. Many women (again not all) have great sex with a man until the newness wears off or they think they "got you". I call this the Expired Warranty Syndrome.

I'm not interested in sex with other women. Ok, let me be more specific... I live in a college town, and see some fine pieces of ass all the time, and I may go like "oooh man, I'd luvta...", but that's as far as it'll go. Period. I guess deep down I am hoping that someone will tell me that this is what sex life is, always has been, will be and should be about, and I am not missing out on anything.

I'm sorry man I won't lie to you. Before my gf's warranty expired she was the best sex partner I have ever had. I honestly did not jerk off or look at other women she kept me so satisfied during that glorious 6 month period. It slowly tapered off over the years and now it's a husk of what it once was, but I still have the same sex drive. Do what I do- make plans to have sex alone. After a while it can be rewarding to take the time for yourself and it can fulfill the basic sexual drive, if not the emotional component you can get from sex with your wife. You fell for someone who was never sexually adventurous, so you can't expect her to just become your personal sexpot overnight. If she cares abotu your needs shell indulge you on occasion. If not, you have to ask yourself if you love her enough to give up all that could have been or not. I'm not saying to leave her, but I'm not gonna sit here and flower over everything either. It may never get better. In fact, it may get worse as time goes on. It really all depends on her. I would highly recommend reading this as well:

Why your wife won't have sex with you.

And finally , good luck.