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bermuDa · 04-19-2004, 05:22 PM

that was a lot to digest. I'd feel bad if I read all that without responding...

From what it seems, you both had a major communication error. It seems like the relationship was budding at best, considering she has had all these bad experiences in her past, and you are a bit inexperienced with relationships. You had no major discussions about the nature of your relationship and where it was heading before you plunged into unknown waters and told her you loved her.

Did you know about her past relationships before you told her this?

If so then you realize it was foolish of you do throw that out there... and if you didn't then how could you say you loved her when you didn't even know about her past experiences?

The most apparent problem was the total lack of communication from the getgo. This wasn't your fault solely. As you said, she wasn't talking either. Maybe it was that you two weren't very communicative that made her comfortable; she felt safe from getting hurt in an ambiguous/non-serious relationship. But you felt as if you need to get these feelings for her out, and you confessed your love for her... but not in person. This is probably not the best thing to write down.. (I understand you're shy, but that's a huge leap in a relationship and should be conducted in person).

Considering your feelings now and the way this girl has retreated, I'd say the best thing for the both of you is to spend some time apart. Although she's trying to extend the arm of friendship by offering to let you call her when you need, it seems that she wants her space, and you should take this opportunity to lick your wounds and do some healing. Concentrate on something else, don't worry so much about being alone because it'll only happen if you keep fretting about it. Depression isn't terribly attractive, being mopey and lamenting your single life is a self-fulfilling prophecy, cause you'll be too busy worrying about mistakes you've made and ones you might make to go have fun and maybe meet a girl who is compatable with you.

Next time try to hold the reigns back on the emotional confessions. Get to know her! Find out all you can. Get to the point where you can maybe predict what her reaction would be. Don't just blurt stuff out that might scare her off, "I love you" is a bad choice of words to fill an awkward silence. Try telling her you feel comfortable with her, and see if she reciprocates.

You also might want to consider how other people define the word "love". Not everyone sees it the same way. While it might seem like nothing for some people, others might find it a scary proposition (as this girl seems to) and run the other way.

04-19-2004, 05:22 PM	#2 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	that was a lot to digest. I'd feel bad if I read all that without responding... From what it seems, you both had a major communication error. It seems like the relationship was budding at best, considering she has had all these bad experiences in her past, and you are a bit inexperienced with relationships. You had no major discussions about the nature of your relationship and where it was heading before you plunged into unknown waters and told her you loved her. Did you know about her past relationships before you told her this? If so then you realize it was foolish of you do throw that out there... and if you didn't then how could you say you loved her when you didn't even know about her past experiences? The most apparent problem was the total lack of communication from the getgo. This wasn't your fault solely. As you said, she wasn't talking either. Maybe it was that you two weren't very communicative that made her comfortable; she felt safe from getting hurt in an ambiguous/non-serious relationship. But you felt as if you need to get these feelings for her out, and you confessed your love for her... but not in person. This is probably not the best thing to write down.. (I understand you're shy, but that's a huge leap in a relationship and should be conducted in person). Considering your feelings now and the way this girl has retreated, I'd say the best thing for the both of you is to spend some time apart. Although she's trying to extend the arm of friendship by offering to let you call her when you need, it seems that she wants her space, and you should take this opportunity to lick your wounds and do some healing. Concentrate on something else, don't worry so much about being alone because it'll only happen if you keep fretting about it. Depression isn't terribly attractive, being mopey and lamenting your single life is a self-fulfilling prophecy, cause you'll be too busy worrying about mistakes you've made and ones you might make to go have fun and maybe meet a girl who is compatable with you. Next time try to hold the reigns back on the emotional confessions. Get to know her! Find out all you can. Get to the point where you can maybe predict what her reaction would be. Don't just blurt stuff out that might scare her off, "I love you" is a bad choice of words to fill an awkward silence. Try telling her you feel comfortable with her, and see if she reciprocates. You also might want to consider how other people define the word "love". Not everyone sees it the same way. While it might seem like nothing for some people, others might find it a scary proposition (as this girl seems to) and run the other way. __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman. Last edited by bermuDa; 04-19-2004 at 05:24 PM..