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Being in love with someone and loving them do not always go hand to hand.
Seems to me that while you may have been with her for this long out of habit more than anything, to her it was possibly about way more than that. Ask yourself how you would have felt to find out she had had a fling with someone very recently? This isn't to turn the table, this is just me wanting to know whether that would have upset you, or whether you had already let go of the relationship a good while ago.
In the end it seems as though you two are at different stages in your lives. You've already been married twice and not looking to get married again for the time being, and her....well, she's not here to speak for herself but based on what you have said she seems to have had something invested in this.
Probably for the best either way.
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Who is John Galt?
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