Your biggest sexual or relationship blunder?

Splitting from my gf when we were 19 and she fucked my best friend, that was smart. Dating a gorgeous rich girl who was as sexy as a weasel on viagra, that was smart.

Refusing the invite to move to Paris with the weasel, and live on her trust fund while I finished college there, that was dumb.

Getting back with the old gf was monstrously dumb.

Marrying her at 25 was insane, given how much we argued.

Divorcing her at 33 when she fucked a random hookup (although with hindsight I'm pretty sure she was found out because she'd had so many she thought I was too dumb to notice another), that was smart.

But I still have the soul wounds. Deep insecurity.

Oddly enough, after we split, it salved some of my pain each time she broke up due to being caught cheating again. Three in a couple of years. Not sure if she dates anymore, but imagine she prefers one nighters.

The infant, thankfully, takes after me. Which is good for her.

 

Choosing one is hard...and some are too painful to relive. So there's that.

 

Yeah. Me too. I've had a few. Massive trainwreck relationships.

 

Couple of additional bullet points:

- North Carolina is absolutely chock full of Daddy Issues. If she's smart, funny and has a great body, just know she's going to poke holes in all the condoms and get that BAH.
- Never stay the night with a woman that has bookshelves full of lizards. Your inner monkey brain really doesn't like the idea of a 6' python sleeping two feet from your throat.
- Always check to make sure that her roommate is actually out of the apartment before you start fucking in their shared bedroom. That other set of eyes is super awkward.

 

But why answer the door? It would have been far better to simply snarl and yell "The Boogeyman is going to eat your mother! Mwahahahaha!"

Years from now they'll figure out what you meant by "eat."

You know, in therapy.

 

If you're planning on sexing in every room of the house, make sure your roommate is out for long periods of time, and won't walk into the living room with her boyfriend for a full ass view.

 

Nail clippers.

'Nuff said.

 

As someone who has had a scratched, bloody, swollen snatch because of this:

PSA TO ANYONE GOING TO FINGERTOWN: Cut your goddamn nails.

 

There's a difference between uterus blood and vajay blood. VAJAY BLOOD HURTS WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND SUNS BECAUSE IT'S AN ACTUAL INJURY.

 

Nothing like having your youngest daughter look at her fingernails and say, "Better cut these or they're going to really mess up my sex life."

I know she has a girlfriend and I raised her to be honest, just don't always think about the details.

 

That seems like an innocent/(inadvertent?) overshare. It sounds as if she is quite comfortable speaking openly with you, which is a real upside I would guess, in most information exchanges.

It's the inherent ick factor though with parents being reminded that their kids have sex lives and visa versa.

 

It's the one drawback to raising your kids with the understanding that nothing is off limits when it comes to conversation.
The good part is that I know they will never hide anything from me, the bad part is I know they will never hide anything from me.