Who do you lean on?

I was thinking on this on the drive home today. And I don't know why it didn't occur to me to say earlier, because I have thought of it before. But I have had two significant relationships in my life that were plagued with secrets. That is why I don't like keeping secrets and why I *hate it* when they are kept from me. Therefore, perhaps, I overcompensate by saying everything, all the time once I have developed a certain level of intimacy with a person (or people). I should look for a balance there, perhaps.

 

I don't get the habit of keeping secrets or hiding significant things other than my stressors. When my stress will increase someone else's, I tend to not lean on someone. I have been known to shutter my own thoughts to preserve the wellbeing of others. I'm okay with that at times. At other times, I am getting better at pulling things out from under the tarp and sharing enough to where I'm more sane, but the other person isn't overburdened.

Paraphrased Swedish proverb: "shared happiness is double happiness; shared sorrow is half sorrow."

 

A typical conversation during my last job.

Wife: What's wrong? Are things okay at work?
Me: Things are fine. Don't worry. (meanwhile under the tarp...)

I agree noodle, that's a good example of things I don't want to share that can easily be shared. And when I do share with my wife, talking about it helps immensely. It's not that the situation that sparked the stress is gone, it just that it's not festering under the tarp.

 

*notes how many people state that they don't confide in others very often*

*quietly wonders how many TFPers are actually serial killers*

*aside from the obvious: ChrisJericho*

 

I'm guessing that you edited your post? I was still tagged in the Alerts.

No, I'm not a serial killer. Too lazy.


/gets out his *list* and red lipstick

 

You haven't fooled anyone. You're a Bundy and the Jericho dude is a Bateman!

/Goodbye Horses

...

No, seriously... this thread makes feel like a lot of you people need a hug.

"No [healthy] man is an island."

 

If only a hug would prevent serial killers from killing...


/bro-hug!

 

I didn't realize how much I lean on DamnitAll until she left on her trip.

I'm a lame-o.

 

You, sir, need to drink more with Lordeden and I and be less in Toronto. That'll fix your normal right-proper.

This. The support dynamic I have in my current relationship has made all my previous relationships look incredibly superficial and downright unhealthy. I finally feel like a Real Adult (TM).

 

I'm more the corporate bombing type. I'd take out the data center, not people.

Same for me. I have a high stress job. Shit breaks, I fix it, and no one is ever pleased that it broke in the first place. My job title might as well be Network Whore and Scapegoat. My wife is rightfully concerned about my stress level; but this is what I do for a living.

 

I used to lean on Uncle Phil a bit. Since my divorce that was both filed and final less than three months ago, I feel like I am drifting more than leaning. I do have many relatives in this tiny town with big shoulders for leaning, but this town is like one big gossip room.

 

^^^ Now it's my turn.

 

In the past I've never really leaned on anyone.
As alot of people have said, I've always been the sympathetic ear.
And that's never bothered me. It's amazing the things people will tell you about their lives. Even friends of friends that I hardly know.
But this year I've been thinking about my life & wondering why I can't make new friends on my own (I just adopt my friends friends)
And I came to the conclusion it was because I always listened & never spoke. Which leads me back to the TFP.
I'm here learning who I am. So I can find people to lean on & maybe find myself a partner out there in the big bad world.

So I guess in answer to the title question...
I've always leant on myself, but I'm trying to change.
I don't think it's healthy to just rely on yourself

 

Thankfully, I haven't had to lean on anyone for quite a while. If I had to, it would be my girlfriend, or the group of friends we ride motorcycles with. Greatest group of friends, ever.
Usually, I am the one listening. My friends will talk to me because they know that I will tell them the truth, even if it means telling them something that they don't want to hear.

 

We both don't lean on. But people always feel free to lean on us.
It could be because there had always been hope and strength. And some weird divine support through people around as if everything had been preplanned.

And If I need to lean on - I think of specific people for specific situations. Wife, Mom, Brother, Friends, Neighbor.

 

I haven't had anyone to lean on for many, many years. My spouse is almost entirely devoid of empathy, and understands almost nothing of adult psychology. Hell, I signed up here so I could have serious conversations with other like-minded adults.