Where is everyone?

Hahahaha, your friend must have experienced a traumatic incident.

No, seriously, don't worry. I go stupid when I'm drunk, too.

That's why I only get tipsy anymore.

 

You can't go wrong with a cynth-guided walking tour... even a sober one! You'll likely stumble into some tasty eats, as well.

Jazz claims to be in Chicago, but, much like with the Yeti and Sasquatch, reported sightings are questionable, at best.

 

Be hotter and more female, and you'll see me, GOD.

Nah, I was bummed that I was out of town when you played here. Next time, sir.

Oh, and if you're hot and female and still haven't seen me, that's because I'm a well-known idiot and flake. And, yes, I'm talking about you, specifically.

 

There will be a next time... maybe next spring. And, NO! I will NOT undergo hormone therapy just for you

 

I'd just like to chime in that you said you could go to Kansas...for the love of God, don't. There's nothing there except grass and cornfields, and some town with the "Birthplace of BOB DOLE!!!" as its claim to fame.

 

http://www.cozyburger.com/
Salina, Kansas has Cozy Inn! The best sliders ever made!

 

Yet I have a 100% success rate.

Aside from his desire to hump anything that moves, he can't turn down a challenge to crack horns with a male of equal intellectual prowess.

 

Ahhh... that explains it.

 

That's another "I'm a dummy" joke, btw.

 

Holy crap. I just checked where Portland, Oregon is... you're as bloody north-west in the US as it gets!

Who gives a damn? If I can go all the way to Chicago, I can do the extra 1-2 thousand miles to go to Portland. It's not like Portland is much further from me than Sydney is.

 

Well, snowy, I guess being a lot hotter and a lot more female than me really works!