Unwanted sexual attention in the US?

I shared this with my daughter.

 

I'm not American but I too generally feel uncomfortable about being approached by men, partly from a personal safety point of view and partly because I just don't feel like chatting to strangers of any kind, be they men or kindly old ladies making small talk about the weather to kill time on the bus. I'm not a huge fan of cat calls either but I'll deal.

I don't automatically resent guys for approaching me since I'm sure I don't always sit around stonyfaced and unwelcoming, and many do seem to have some ability to take a hint and retreat. But by jove there are few things worse in the realm of social interaction than a guy outstaying his conversational welcome, if indeed there was one in the first place. I find it so awkward and it makes me feel like an asshole for not entertaining it.

One of the most irritating things that I've experienced countless times, though, worse than a guy just not taking a hint, is when the guy also (faux cheerfully) bitches you out for not being super happy and cool with him approaching you, e.g. "smile for god's sake!" or the like.

Anyway, I'll get onto what this thread reminded me of the most, which was one evening I had been at a house party at my friend's flat on the other side of my pretty small (pop 5,500) hometown and I was making my way home in the dark at 3-4am on my own. It's risky, of course, but the route was also well lit and completely lined with residences so I felt comfortable with it. At some point during the walk a guy was unfortunate enough to join me on this route but maybe 20 paces behind. I don't recall looking behind me and I didn't speed up, I just kept on. After perhaps 300 yards of this I heard the guy pick up pace, break into a run and then arrive beside me, explaining that he needed to pass me because he couldn't stand the idea of making me feel afraid by walking behind me. I thanked him and he went onwards ahead of me, and I was so relieved. Bizarrely, though, he then slowed down and rejoined me, and started asking me where I had been, where I was going, what I was going to do, and whether I wanted to join him at a house party at his friend's house at another end of the town. I gave him simple non-chatty answers to his questions and eventually I headed off in my direction, and he in his. But I was shit scared by this point and I ended up jogging the last few minutes home just to be sure.

The impression that left me with is that guys are aware of the way women size them and their surroundings up for signs of danger, but what men don't necessarily realise is that approaching or acknowledging a women can sometimes make an already worrisome situation feel a lot worse.

Fortunately I've never been attacked in a truly bad way but I've had a guy make a wholly unwelcome attempt of physicalness on me by plonking down next to me, making inane chatter and eventually trying to force a kiss on me when I was clearly not interested (and had already unsubtly mentioned my boyfriend), and then turning hostile as hell when I wasn't reciprocating any of his interest, all while we were on a damn train and I couldn't go anywhere. The only way I managed to get rid of the guy was to call my boyfriend. It was horrifying, and I cannot fathom how a person could get it all so utterly wrong.

The absolute best I can think of though, was when I met a guy at a house party in the company of our mutual friends, so I felt a lot more comfortable being approached. This chap started chatting me up a bit and I handled it in the way I always handle it, by dropping the boyfriend bomb on the situation. Hearing this, the guy informed me (having never met my boyfriend, not knowing his name, and upon hearing that the boyfriend was presently visiting his family overseas) that my boyfriend was definitely cheating on me. Well, gosh, you're absolutely right, let's date! Or maybe not. Men are funny sometimes.

 

Avestruz, I wish I could say it's better on the other side of the fence.

That reminds me of my freshman year of highschool when a cheerleader, whose boyfriend was right next to her, decided to talk to the new guy. After the obvious name/grade introductions I was treated to the wonderful experience of being asked how big my dick was in the middle of the cafeteria. One of those situations where in a movie you'd do something amazing and empowering but about all I could get away with without risking expulsion was muttering "too big for you" and finding someplace else to sit far enough away from the tom-catcalls.

I could roll my eyes and call it a one-off experience with someone that's a hair-bleaching away from being a living stereotype, but over the years I've learned that there are entirely too many women that think everything inside a man's shorts is being held in escrow for them... and it's really a flip of the coin whether a witty retort will work or just provoke them further. Being sworn at or insulted I can live with and I've given up caring whether people think I'm gay or not, but it still gets to me when people assume I'm brain damaged, disabled, or diseased just because I don't want to tell them which way or how low it hangs. And I'm still trying to figure out when "tapping" became a publically acceptable behavior that I should just "shrug off" and "man up".

Best part of that video was a little over 2 minutes in when one woman just walked off set in response.

 

I live in the US and in the sex department I think we are so behind the times. The great part of the population is sex starved. Ofcourse this is my opinion I don't know what the numbers say but there is a whole lot of cheating and divorce. I Iike attention at any time I think it just varies from person to person. I don't dress provocatively either though and maybe it depends what they say and how they say it. Really just about anything could be taken to a sexal retrospect if you think sbout it. Lol

 

Yup, just standard class privilege,. I should have been clearer initially.

The sad part is that he probably honestly didn't know any better.

 

If i moved to the US, i am still very confused about how i should meet a woman. I would definitely not approach or be to friendly with any female co workers, i would definitely do my best to look at any woman's body in case she would feel awful.

I think there is an underlying problem that most of what you hear in media regarding sex, is in a negative way. The only place i would feel safe would be using online dating.

 

If you had physical problems i can understand you and i hope that you are alright now. I have noticed that the cosmetic industry uses the "unwanted attention" as an argument for having breast reduction. To me it sounds silly to have an reduction just because some idiots doesn't look at your eyes when he speaks to you.

I also don't think that woman should take the advise of not so blessed woman about breast reduction surgery. Very often woman has a hidden agenda. Envy is a force to be reckoned with. If men wear like woman the shorter men would tell their taller brothers to get a height reduction if i possible.

OK, now all the woman on this forum thinks i am sleazebag, please don't hold it against me in my next post.

BTW joniemack, you look great

 

I cannot speak for the dating and meeting practices in other countries as I have no idea what it is like for you in Europe wherever you happen to be. I honestly don't see it as being such a fragile line. Be respectful, friendly, keep your hands to yourself, watch for cues and go away peacefully if your attention is obviously not wanted.

The workplace is a separate issue. Personally, I don't feel office romances are a good idea at all but it does happen. In the workplace there is generally a zero tolerance policy for sexual harassment. Avoid innuendo, sexual comments and anything physical even if it is consensual. Though your peck on the lips as you go back to work after your coffee break may be mutually agreeable someone else present may be offended in seeing it so no public displays of affection as a rule. Not hard to follow. In my working years I have only seen two people ever fired due to anything sexual related. One was a male who worked as the only male in his department, his jokes and innuendo became too vulgar. His coworkers asked him repeatedly to tone it down and eventually (after months) they went to the boss and he was fired. This wasn't a one-time thing and he was well warned. The other I am aware of was a female, she had taken up a collection for another coworker who was financially strained due to some emergency medical bills, money was pooled to allow her to pay her bills and still be able to provide holiday presents for her daughter. The issue happened when the ailing coworker (female) tried to refuse the gift and the donor chose to slide it into the woman's shirt to force her to take it. Her intentions were sweet but she lost her job for basically groping a woman's breast.

I don't know that you are a sleazebag but I do think it a bit judgmental to assume a smaller breasted female would have boob envy. Not all women would prefer to be large breasted. Just as not all men prefer large breasted women. It would be a might bit more reasonable to say I hope that she considered her own personal benefit above all else.

I feel like you just caught up. It's unpleasant isn't it? As if being a teenager alone isn't awkward enough at times. I remember seeing a few of those moments where the supposedly hot girls would pick on the supposedly geeky guy, grope, grab and think somehow they were giving him the greatest gift in the world and call him gay when he didn't appreciate their gesture. I don't know if that is quite what happened to you but moments like that came to mind. Unwanted is unwanted whether the defender is male or female.

I wonder how many females here have been asked how big her breasts are? Can't say I have ever asked a man his size. I think a good rule of thumb here is that unless your relationship involves clothes laying on the bedroom floor... it's none of your business.

Really Shadowex3 it doesn't have to be about who gets victimized more, I don't believe that is the point. I honestly cannot list how many times I have received unwanted sexual attention. I am not talking about the person who flirted and didn't get the hint to walk away when he should have. I am not talking the parts where the other party has used a poor choice of words or stammered nervously through a pick up line. I am talking clear sexual harassment. Middle school, High school, waiting room of a doctors office, game room, movie theater, friends houses, work, grocery store, gas station, city park, pharmacy, airport and even a court house! Honestly, I cannot recall them all. Being followed home is beyond scary. Being hounded by a person who is making sure you didn't throw out that scrap of paper with the phone number is nerve-wracking. Being publicly called a slut because you don't care to sleep with a stranger who asks is embarrassing and horrifying. Being groped and called a whore because nature was bountiful in the chest area and then reprimanded for defending yourself is demeaning. Having your bottom fondled because it was just so irresistible is certainly no flattery. Being pinched because he wondered what your squeal may sound like is no comfort. You would think I have spent my days on earth in hot pants, tight shirts with plunging necklines clubbing which I can assure you that I do not.