Unrequited Love

I married my best friend and it all blew up in our faces. It's been 7 years since our divorce was final and we're back to being close friends.

 

My first relationship lasted 15 years. If you had asked me at any point in the first 13 years of it whether we were soulmates and best friends I would have said "yes." When it ended I thought it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and it was. Also, now, it wasn't.

My current partner is my soul mate and the best thing that ever happened to me. Of course, that's the story now, and it's working for me. I try to come up for air every once in a while to make sure I'm not telling myself more stories. To an extent, everything is a story.

Drop the story: it's not serving you. That time she wants to spend with you on the weekends... take it for yourself. If you need more out of a relationship, she doesn't want to give it to you, so stop answering her calls and use the time to see other people. If she's calling you everyday, that adds up to at least one extra date a week.

To me, unrequited love can only mean two things:
1.) She *is* into you and one or both of you haven't been clear about your feelings.
2.) She *isn't* into you (that everyone around you thinks you should be together is meaningless).

I was surprised to see your profile says you are 34... you have a lot of work to do in order to detach from these situations and move towards mental spaces that serve you.

 

SHE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS. That is the only opinion you need to worry about. If she's a decent person ( which I suspect ) she wouldn't be playing games with you, thus she told you the truth. If she's the type to play games, she isn't the wonderful person you think she is. Either way, take her word for it, she just wants to be friends.

 

Maybe you should tell her again how you feel. This is twofold, you either end up in a relationship or you wave her goodbye and move on with your life. You aren't going to get anything out of this without taking a risk.

 

I've been doing a bit of that and have finally hit the "shit or get off the pot" point. I'm too old for this BS. Just come out with it. If they're not interested then move on. At, least that's what I'm doing.

 

I fell hard for a woman I have never seen, talking on a website. Just happened. Couldn't run away. Couldn't bear to see her talking with other guys. Gradually I've opened up to her. She blamed herself. It's nobody's fault. Told her yesterday that the reason it happened is because she's one of the most decent, kind, polite ladies I have ever met, even though I have never and will never meet her in person. It's getting easier the more we chat, to the point we can talk about what's going on with me. I don't stalk her. I don't chase her. But some of the happiest times of my life are when I'm chatting with her over the internet. You just have to work it out over time. I cope.

 

This is fifty shades of creepy. If I had a guy doing this to me, completely disregarding my own desires, hoping to somehow convince me that he's actually the one for me, and then started fucking pining for me outside my window, wrapping his entire life around me not wanting him, he'd end up with a restraining order and mandatory therapy.

You. Fucking respect what she says. Stop thinking that she's the only one for you-- are you twelve? Six months to a year from now, you're going to be doing this with someone else. And then they'll be the only one for you.

Have some sense of self-worth, already. And fucking boundaries, man.

Also, using a forum to write desperate emo poetry and then argue with people who point out anything resembling rationality so you can hold onto your idealized emo existence, playing the romantic victim? If you need to get yourself off that badly, try lube and a sock next time.

 

Too many people watching unrealistic movies about unrequited love. It's fantasy, that crap just doesn't work in the real world. Move on.

 

Unrequited love is a misnomer as it is usually not really love. I've experienced it in the past and found that when I cut ties with the person (i.e. I graduated from college and didnt see her as often) it was a lot easier to move on. Find someone who likes you back, it will be so much more satisfying.