Tilted Weaponry: Shrine of the Mall Ninja

I've seen two other videos of this exact "training school" and at no point do they look like they hit anything.

 

Relevant:

Tactifatty Shaming - "Reality Check: All Gear, No Idea"

 

Bro, do you even Operate?



cc: @plan9, @chrisjericho, @walt

 

I like how the guy on top is working on cultivating that Operator Gut (TM). That's okay if you're friends with the squat rack but I'm guessing he doesn't do a whole lot of that kinda stuff either. Just a feeling.

It's my personal fav: Grow a sweet hobo ninja beard, wear tan everything to Wal-Mart, still have a big beer gut that means your two mile time is somewhere up there with the average USMC three mile time.

And hell, if you're carrying 20 extra pounds and can beat my ass, that's great, gold star for you... but it's still 20 pounds you don't need. Remember that hippo guy from the first class we took together, @KirStang?

...

Also: Fuck tan. Fuck camouflage. I'm going to start wearing cheap suits to every USPSA match I attend.

 

Holy shit, it was like you were already on this thread. Fast reply bro.

 

I'm like Batman, the Enn Ess Ehh and the Geico money all rolled up into one all-up-in-this entity.



They don't call me Thread Herpes for nuthin'.

...

Check this Mall Ninja bullshit:

I was at the range tonight and some chunky kid in a black t-shirt (hanging American flag on sleeve), black BDU pants and black boots with a Keltec .380 in some type of ghetto-rigged OWB appendix setup is strutting around the range with his dumbass brother and disinterested sister/girlfriend. His results on a IPSC-sized target at 5 yards were worse than a shotgun pattern. I was tapping some sweet A-zone at 25 yards when I decided that he's the reason non-gunners think gun owners are idiots.

People like him make guns unsexy. And that's a problem.

 

I forget who said it but it was something along the lines that man legs/ass is basically the male equiv of the females-with-nice-tits thing: You have way more credibility if you look like you can squat twice your body weight. Sounds about right.

...

Undecided on Theory-Based (TM) Widget:

I don't know why I dislike this thing so much but it probably has to do with the fact that it looks fragile as fuck with its tiny ears and the way the fasteners are setup.

It irks me because I want to like it because it's a two-for-one ultra-minimalist thing... but it seems like a shitty quick-'n-dirty design.

Coulda done better. They could have built a flashlight into a solid sight tower instead making the sight tower a clamp.

I'm old school and believe irons are a sacred thing/huge priority and this flimsy gizmo offends my religion.

...

Have you been in the catnip, my friend? You're on a roll tonight.

Heh, SLACKS!​

 

Don't take it too seriously--it's from the same guys who brought you this:

 

Man, I want a job where I make enough money to do that kinda shit on a regular basis. Like twice a month.

CarnikCon, Richard Ryan, Dynamic Pie Concepts, Ranger dude with the Barbie girlfriend.

Motherfuckers have safes loaded with full auto shit and blast iPhones for fun.

Seriously, I'm doing pretty well for myself and I ain't got that kinda $.

Where do I sign up for Grown Man Tactical Tantrum School?

I bet they give you a free helmet cam for all the YuT00bs!

/total serious here, major envy for those guy's lifestyle

/and their super hot, total airhead girlfriends

 

Oh, yeah... it's just that it isn't as apparent in technical hobbies like auto mechanics or computer hacking or finding the clitoris.

Heh, it's way too easy to spot the morbidly obese guy at some Camo Pants Weekend Adventure Hero Camp with the $4k rifle.

...

Is there a mall ninja equivalent in video games? You know, like a kid that buys some fancy computer and still sucks? I dunno.

 

Are you using a standard M4 carbine as your choice for home defense?

Unfuckingacceptable! Step up to the simultaneous double tap!

I present to you... the Gilboa Snake Double AR.

Anything less is like having just one penis.

 

Meh. Needs Moar Belt-fed.
--- merged: Jan 3, 2014 at 11:04 AM ---

The worst part about this video is their horrendous weapon manipulation skills. Fucking jackass takes like 10 minutes to rock in his California legal M1A magazine. Fudd next to him can't reload his pistol without staring down at his pistol while he unfucks his empty mag.

 

The more I watch the above video, the more I realize how incredibly asinine the "Tactical Training Community" is and how places like EmmFohCee turned into such painful snob spots.

Marshall A-Team Shooting School? They shoot blindly over the top of their weapons and they've got the flag the wrong way on their tacti-polos. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

 

And they're fat.

 

Ever feel like tearing a piece off your Diamondback Predator plate carrier and using it to scrub your hairy grommet? Now you can!

Just get a fucking $.99 loofah, Captain High Speed.​

 

Carrying a primary and secondary in the same caliber is a part of the logic of the pistol caliber carbine crowd. Big into ARs? Now you too can carry a backup gun in the same caliber!

The Heizer Defense PAR-1 Single Shot Pocket Pistol in .223 Remington

It'll singe the eyebrows off your unborn grandchildren!

...

Beretta M92-based Underslung 12g Shotgun

There are no words.

 

For those of us who'd like to get kicked in the head with every shot.

Alternatively, you could go the opposite direction and just get a 10-22 and spend more money customizing it than you could spend on a decent used vehicle. Same concept, right?

...the fuck did I just see?