Things that everyone likes but you don't - and why

Mmmm, pie crust...

 

Porno movies - I've never seen one where the parties weren't poorly faking their enthusiasm. A major turn off for me.

 

Nutella. Sorry, just don't like it.
Debates that go on for more than 30 minutes. After that, you're just yammering.
Donuts. Icing. Soy milk. Tempera paint. Down pillows.

 

That's ridiculous!

 

Hmmmm....

Most sports. It's not that I don't get the appeal of games. And it's not that I don't get the benefits of vigorous exercise. But football? Soccer? Golf? Competitive swimming? Whatever. Every now and then, like when the Olympics roll around, I try to give a fuck. But really, I just can't. I can just barely muster up the occasional fuck to give about baseball or basketball. But not even very often.

Fast food. Fortunately for me, most of it isn't kosher, so I couldn't eat it anyway. But it looks awful, and it's spectacularly bad for you. The latter isn't necessarily a deal breaker in and of itself, but if you're going to blow five hundred or a thousand calories on a meal, fine: why not save that experience for going to a real restaurant, and getting some sort of amazing dish, cooked from high-quality ingredients, by a well-trained chef? And if it's just about the convenience of getting some tasty meat for lunch, why not bring a sandwich from home, that you could put together for probably a similar amount money, with far better ingredients?

"Industrial" porn. I'm sorry, those "actresses" are not attractive; maybe they originally were, but not by the time they get on screen. That makeup is heinous, and big fake boobs are not sexy. Nor is excessive facial reconstruction. Nor are big fake butts. Big butts and big boobs are, indeed, sexy, but only if real. Real faces are sexy, even if imperfect-- sometimes because they are imperfect. And fake orgasms are really un-sexy. Real orgasms are hella sexy. Could not be more different.

Sushi/Sashimi. It's raw fish. Maybe I would like it if it were cooked skillfully. But when it's raw, it tastes like raw fish, and it is cold, and its texture is unpleasant. I know, just another uncultured gai-jin. Sue me.

Lox. "What, you're Jewish and you don't like lox?" Yeah, that's right. I don't like salmon at all. I don't like cold fish. I don't like smoked fish. I really don't like cold smoked salmon. And I will never understand the appeal of cold smoked fish on top of your bagel at breakfast. WTF?

Gefilte fish. It's nasty. I don't care if it's homemade. I don't care if it's your beloved grandmother's recipe. It looks, smells, and tastes like it was crapped out by a much larger fish.

Ties. OK, so let me get this straight, Fashion: I want to signify in the professional world that I am cultured, professional, and well-attired. Isn't it enough that I have shirt, trousers, and jacket all nicely made from high-quality materials in suitably formal patterns? No, actually, Western Male, you need to take this length of fabric, tie it around your throat, jam that knot right up under your trachea, and hope like hell nobody realizes that one good yank could asphyxiate you. Prove that you are devoted to your appearance: try not to breathe too much. Also, as a final indignity, please pay an obscene amount of money for this length of fabric, and try to use a really complicated knot.

 

flavored coffee (yuk)
frappucinos or any other sort of flavored iced coffee (yuk)
most science fiction/fantasy writing (don't get it)
most comic books/graphic novels (don't get it)
jewelry (nuisance)
prints of famous works of art w. the artist's name printed on them (because I am a snob)
for instance:

umbrellas (awkward)
those puffy jackets w.out sleeves (what's the point?)
and sweater vests (what's the point?)
laptops (awkward)
moccasins (ugly and uncomfortable)
also ballerina flats (ugly and uncomfortable)
colored paper (because I am a snob)
texting (awkward and a nuisance)
fruit-smelling body washes and shampoos (yuk)
most of the bizarre clothing they sell in places like Charlotte Russe and Forever 21 (because the designs are ugly and the fabrics are atrocious)
porn .gifs (except for the jiggly booty/boobie ones, otherwise they just seem too...obvious)

I knew given time I could come up with a list.

 

Coffee, tea, tomatoes, coconut. I don't really know why but I cannot stand the taste. I tend not to have caffeine at all in my diet (yes I know chocolate has some and other things have them in small amounts). As for coconut, the smell of it is horrendous to me.

 

Harry Potter books, movies, videos, games, amusement parks, action figures, alright already. Do I need to explainn why I don't like Harry? Overexposure.

 

Grown American men who show up at every function dressed in khaki shorts, over-sized T shirts, baseball cap and sneakers.
No reason really - it just annoys me.

 

Twilight- A perfectly terrifying genre turned into a preteen slobber fest, it's just wrong.
Tomatoes- There is just something about the larval texture that just doesn't work for me.
American Idol- The first couple of weeks can be entertaining, but after that it's all down hill. Semi talented people giving mediocre performances.
Most pop music- It all just sounds the same to me. Boring.
Babies- Drooling poop machines, they smell bad, scream too much and they're ugly.
Economy Cars- They're cramped, slow, everyone else' headlights are always right in my eyes and they sound like a wind-up toy.
TV Sports (except Aussie Football & Beach Volleyball)- I think this one lies with the fans more than the sports themselves, but in general, they're just boring.
Baggy Pants- Nuff said.

For the fish haters-
Squid (Calamari) should never be chewy, if it is, it's over cooked. Calamari should melt in your mouth like butter.
Fish in general- Removing the fat (most people don't) gets rid of the fishy taste, if not, the fish is old and should be avoided. The difference between fresh (less than 3hrs old) and everything else, is night and day.

..

 

Reservoir Dogs - I know, there's a lot of witty in there, but for the most part it seems to be a sad and pointless bloody tiff among totally unsympathetic individuals to me.
David Foster Wallace - He's clever. I get that. He also bores the hell out of me. Also Dick, Hemmingway, Delaney, Joyce, and Faulkner.
Seth McFarland and Matt Groening - Funny once. Stone & Parker are starting to stray into this territory
Reality Television (with the exception of Iron Chef and chopped) (Also, television in general) - I think it's Sturgeon's Law that gets me here. I'm not willing to put up with more than about 50% crap.
Radiohead - Hated Creep. Never gave them another chance. There's enough good music to be found that I don't miss them.
Music Genre Hatedom - I used to do this myself, but I've been exposed to good music in Most Genres now. I make the modest proposal that this too is a case of Sturgeon's Law and selection bias.
The Golden Mean Fallacy as a Shortcut for Journalistic Objectivity - I expect that when a position is patently wrong that it be laughed off the air, not given time waste explaining why its nonsensicality is reasonable.
David Lynch - I will NEVER forgive him for Dune.
Humor by excessive sincerity - Jack Black, stick to Tenacious D.
And I agree with RogueGypsy 100% about Babies, Tomatoes, and TV Sports.

 

family guy
the office

 

There's your problem right there. Heck Radiohead doesn't like Creep.

Personally it's not that I dislike Creep, it's just that there are tons of Radiohead songs I'd rather listen to first.

 

Anything that has a Kardasian in it, on it or near it. They are a big fat boil on the butt of humanity and I am so sick of seeing every frickin' one of them on every channel ALL the TIME! Yuck.

Worse is when people discuss them like they know them and like their ideas and what they stand for. = GREED and ignorance. Ahhhh - that felt soooooo good!!

 

so easily - if you are ever in a McDonalds in Oz, you may find the pickles stuck to the windows, after being removed from the burger.

 

I guess the #1 weird thing that everyone seems to want and I hate... oral sex, giving or receiving. Not a prude, been more than a tad promiscuous in my days, but I hate mouth to crotch interaction. As a woman receiving, does nothing at all for me. As a woman giving, . . . the only times I tried (about half a dozen), the man wasn't... was... how do I put this, they STINK! Sort of poo and sweat and urine, yuck!

Also:
Anything Apple, ipad ipod iphone idontwantone
Anything Walmart, haven't set foot in one yet, and will die before I do.
Anything Starbucks, prefer local coffee-eries if I'm going to spend too much for coffee

 

people that worship Fight Club like they're the first ones to read/watch it and then think that they're clued in to some societal secret that nobody else is. Those people are a skidmark on the underpants of society

 

I've heard this from just about everyone I have told this to. Might one day give them another chance because of it. But I'm not in any hurry.

 

I must love haiku;
I've heard it turns people off,
but runs through my head.