The Ask a Swinger Anything Thread

We did something last week we haven't done in a while, which was attend a local "meet and greet". Thats basically a swinger "hello my name is" party, usually at a vanilla establishment (bar, night club, church basement).

Despite being a last minute thing we met couples only a few minutes away from us. It just reminded me just how many of us there are out there. Like anything non-mainstream the problem isn't people being interested but getting them together.

 

The "outside" person is inherently more exciting than your longtime married partner. For men, this is called the Coolidge Effect, but apparently it is even stronger for women.

I think anyone who contemplates this kind of activity should look forward to their spouse having an unusually good time. Otherwise, why do it?

This, exactly.

That, too.

 

Being aroused by the thought, perhaps fantasy, of seeing your spouse or significant other having really hot sex with someone else is one thing. Actually seeing it happen could be something entirely different.

 

Motivations are always different. When we first started I didn't get overly thrilled or turned on by watching her with someone else. Even when the initial jealousy was gone it wasn't about watching her. Now I do enjoy her seeing a good time because seeing her turned on is a turn on. Its of course a bigger turn on when its with the other woman Now my wife on the other hand told me once not long ago, "seeing your white hairy ass going up and down doesn't really do anything for me". Shes not a watcher at all in that respect.

With other couples its the guy wanting to watch his wife that motivates it in the first place. I also think some men approach it this way in order to get the ball rolling. Focusing everything on your wife, and not bringing another woman into the picture derails a lot of a wifes argument against swinging.

As to how one reacts, thats always going to be the rub. I can't tell you how many react badly vrs favorably or neutrally.

 

... (quoted the wrong person, sorry)

 

Do all swingers wear condoms? Why, why not

 

In swinging there isn't really an "all". I'd say MOST wear condoms, some do not. Why wearing them is for the obvious STD's, and personally I wear them because I don't want to be a father again.

Why not would be some people don't worry about STD's, some convince themselves that condom use is some sort of conspiracy and they really don't help vrs STDS, and some don't worry about pregnancy.

Personally we won't play without them, and I'd not trust someone to say they were on the pill or had a vasectomy.

 

so, lets just say that a woman gets pregnant. how does that work??

 

*** Too obvious joke deleted. ***

Something like 10% of children born to married women were not sired by their husbands. Why should the precise circumstances of conception make any difference?

 

I would imagine that the general rule is if you take the chances, you live with the consequences. Which of course places most of the burden on the females, rightly or wrongly.

 

does that ever happen?
--- merged: Oct 28, 2014 12:55 PM ---

it dosent,

 

How would anyone (apart from those directly involved) know if it did?

It's not like anyone is going to send out an announcement detailing the situation.

Presumably the outcome would be an abortion, a miscarriage, or a birth.

 

I have no idea; perhaps Herculite knows.

I do know that some of my friends who were in fairly popular rock bands "back in the day" say the unwritten rule was a groupie who got pregnant was on her own. Apparantly most groupies honored this rule.

Edit--Yet again my post shows up in the quote.

 

makes since

 

I'm sure its happened but not to us, or anyone we know (as far as we know). Being we only play with the condom crowd, and most are on at least two forms of birth control, the odds are quite slim for "our type" of swinging.

 

Have your ever gotten jealous? Of so how did you fix it

 

@ralphie250, here is the way I look at it. Someone is going to have a different body shape, different skin tones, be younger or older or whatever. Or maybe she is getting two guys at once. I can't provide everything at once. Or be 6'2", or whatever. But I can be the guy who provides that opportunity. And when someone gives you a gift, don't you appreciate that person more? Conversely, if she introduced us to a woman or couple and that woman is 5'2" and with giant breasts, then I'm going to be pretty happy too. So it's the understanding that you are giving a person a gift. Not to replace you. But understanding that we are complex people, with different varieties and moods and that variety is exciting. But both people have to be into it.

 

Second time I did, but jealousy is a fear, and fixing it was like any fear, you just get over it and its no longer an issue.

 

in your opinion how much jealousy if there?

 

Never ran into it with experienced couples, which tend to be the type we hang with these days. Its frequent in newbie couples, especially when the newbie guy has performance issues and his wife is having a really "excellent" time.