The Angry Uteri of TFP

My ex is funny. He tries. Females get grouchy, and he humbly presents them with chocolate and French fries. That's the secret to free fries and chocolate - be grouchy.

 

My uterus doesn't see this thread. My uterus doesn't see this thread. My uterus doesn't see this thread. Nooooooo!
Dang it!

 

Oh, your uterus has this thread bookmarked.

 

I now have to contend with two angry uteri in my house. I can't wait until mother and daughter are in synch.

I'm going out of town for as long as it takes.

 

I think I took a wrong turn in Albuquerque...

/looking for the angry gonad thread

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Btw, is an angry uterus something a large bowl of ice cream will calm down?

 

Not cow's milk ice cream in my case. Double chocolate almond milk ice cream, yes. Berries and cream paleo Popsicles, yes. Burgers, hells yeah.

 

^ Good to know at least food thrown at it can distract it.

/starts taking notes, just in case

 

Tequila and chocolate work better for me. Running and hiding are highly recommended, as well.

 

Bourbon and Spicy food do it for me.

 

Angry Uterus and the Communists are getting ready to Duke it out by this afternoon... I need sleep so badly. But I'm craving sweets for the first time in a very long time... Not just chocolate. And bread. But, I don't want my belly to feel any worse, so I'll have to settle for some paleo baking this weekend. I'm also feeling ready to eat an entire cow again. I suspect partially because I also gave the bloods yesterday for the first time in a year. This week has been particularly bad, with increases in stress sending me vacillating between vengeful thoughts and crying. Stupid hormones.

 

Mmm cheeseburgers. And fries. But I have to watch the dog. He steals the fries. AU gets very upset when people steal her fries.

 

My uterus isn't that angry. It's just bleeding. A lot.

 

I have no idea how but more or less every woman I'm close to tends to be within a day or two of the others, even when they're on opposite ends of the continent. I've given up trying to understand these strange majicks and just accepted my role as the Free Hugs guy for a weekish every so often.

To this day I am convinced that's what the motivation was behind all the summer palaces, caves, and whatnot you hear about from back when kings had 300 wives.

 

6 days out. Bracing myself!

 

Binged on barbecue chips and mac and cheese this weekend.

It's coming...

 

That little bitch took me by surprise while I was away at music camp. Performing on stage during a menstrual cramp assault is not fun. Fortunately she seems to be behaving herself now.

 

My wife's uterus woke up angry this morning. Yay.

 

Surprised 4 days early. Without any symptoms. I'll take it.