TFP Confessional

Also black people. And homosexuals. Matter of fact, i decided to beat up three women this week instead of two.

 

Are you my mom?
She does the same thing. She has shelves of cookbooks, and the only time she uses them are on holidays.
She's also always writing down recipes in a notebook while the Food Network show of the moment is paused on her dvr.
I ask her why she does it since she hardly ever cooks, and she says she likes reading and learning new recipes.
She signed up for a program from Southern Living that sends her a packet of recipes on cards every month and she organizes them in a little recipe box they sent her.

I just roll my eyes and let her do her thing.

 

Sounds like this Bob Carter fellow had quite an impact. Great stage name.
To add my own contribution here, I considered going outside today to take pictures but at times the thought of "outside in the sunshine" still feels almost as wrong as working during that timeframe.

 

Alright. Here's another. I genuinely hate this about myself.
I may be just a bit paranoid. Every time I hear a noise outside, people talking, car doors closing, whatever, I have an irresistible compulsion to look outside to make sure my home and family aren't being messed with in some way. And I just can't feel comfortable for a while afterward.

 

I'm falling for someone who got me into BDSM and was my first sub.

 

I don't give a damn about Jimmy Page.

 

I got really turned on last night when my BF was talking on the phone in Japanese....then I realized he was probably talking to his mom.

He was.

 

I haven't eaten yogurt with a spoon (or, really, any utensil) in years.

 

Do you...drink it? Lick it? Use your fingers?

Or are you just a go-gurt kind of person?

 

Heathen.

On the music topic, I'm fine with no vocals; but instrumentals without a guitar solo? That's just f'ing elevator music.

 

I like the smell of my own sweat.

 

I really really don't want to go to sleep, and I don't know why. I'm so very tired, but I just don't want to go to bed.

 

On Friday I was confronted with the fact that I've developed some very bad habits at work. Those bad habits cost me about 5% of my revenue on one single deal along with a 15 year client who accounts for a significant percentage of the rest of my business. Time to go cold turkey on those bad habits and get myself back where I'm supposed to be.

 

What the fuck could you possibly be doing to shoot yourself in the foot like that?

When clients are involved I tune out everything that isn't profit oriented.

 

Well I wasn't brought up in a faith, and I still haven't found one that makes sense to me. So... forgive me TFP for I have sinned.
I smoke entirely too much marijuana. I've been trying to cut down to a sensible level, a couple after works, maybe on the weekend, and I thought I had my addiction (I don't like the word, but it's a confessional) under control.
I let myself buy a bag a few weeks ago. Mistake. I've been having wake 'n' bakes almost every morning, coming home at lunchtime for a session and don't get me started on the evenings...
Pretty much just high all day everyday for the last two weeks.
I've finished the stash now and today will probably bring dizziness and stomach pains as my body adjusts to oxygen again .
I will beat this. I don't want to give up weed altogether. I just need to control myself. It takes practice.
On a semi related note,
I reckon I can beat Mary Jane, I've cut my alcohol consumption down to only when I feel like it and not every night.
If I've done it with one drug, I can do it again.

 

That hurts.
Every so often I get a little full of myself at work and have to come back to earth the hard way. Usually not too hard but the pause for a little reflection and self-improvement is good for you.
One thing I like about my current Department Chief is he seems good at picking up on this stuff and doing the subtle re-direct before anyone's feelings (mine!) get hurt.

 

The short answer is "pure laziness". Which is not a good answer. But it's a problem I can solve.

 

I peeked at my wife's cell phone usage ( online, not on her phone ) and she's getting texts from a dude again. It' supposedly some married guy who is dating somebody else at work... I feel bad that I peeked, but now what? I guess I'll wait until it hits me in the face again. It's what I do best

 

Wish you strength, Taliesin.
I cut off all communication with my supplier who made it super easy to always have it. If I ever use weed again it'll have to be once I lose 'x' amount of weight. I cannot smoke it cos it effs up my blood pressure--so maybe as a treat (in food or drink) after it is legal here.
I like smoking it tho' and I'm not sure how attractive it will be in say, a piece of candy. Weed is the only thing I ever smoked.
There are rare times when I miss the calming aspect of that but bottom line is I need to be in charge of my mental and physical heaith. They are both markedly improved since quitting weed 3 months ago.