Sexual fantasy

i know it sounds stupid but at this point my fantasy is not to do the same thing over and over. it gets old and i know my wife gets annoyed with it. so my fantasy is to initiate sex in a different way or to have more foreplay.

 

I get that but life is just so .. terrifying short .. twenty years seems like nothing now.

I'm still in great shape and having a great sex life but I turn 50 next year. I have absolutely nothing to complain about, nothing worth noting, but time gets us all.

 

If you want a taste of eternity, try getting into a sexless relationship.

While there's no evidence to support that it will extend your lifespan, I can guarantee that it will...

...seem...


...like...


FOREVER.



I figure if I can keep masturbating, life will be somewhat tolerable. Most people would not consider this a "win", but guys like me have to take whatever they can get.

 

You suggest the impossible.

May I reveal through the magic of Photoshop my impending fate should I ever split from the ol' ball & chain?



(Cold hard reality, while being a bitch, is still funny as hell.)

 

I hate to laugh at these.....

 

It happens occasionally. I'll settle for true love and someone that knows how to use a squat rack.

...

I'm still really disturbed by how MMG uses wedding-y photos in his sexless marriage memes.

If you're still married, you need to unshackle your ass. Your kid is old enough to understand.

 

Leave this comedy gold mine behind? LOL!

I'm tired of repeating myself across various threads, so from now on I'm just going to post this pic, as it sums up everything nicely.


This is not debatable, nor is it up for discussion.

 

It stopped being comedy gold a decade ago. You know, when I joined TFP. Everybody here has watched your fedora travel and your kid grow up. That's a long ass time, amigo.

It is clearly up for discussion since it is constantly being posted on a public forum. But you do you. We probably don't have the full picture of your Count of Monte Cristo life.

*glittery Plan9 Cares banner graphic*

Did you marry into a Triad or something? I mean, I've seen a fair amount of Steven Seagal movies and I know we can get you out. How many henchmen are we talking about?

 

I look at it this way. I was always confused as to why metal would stay but it doesn't matter. If he feels this is his outlet I wouldn't want to stop that. I choose to live my life differently, but I know my way isn't for everyone either.

Back in the old old days when this forum was still fueled by boobs, I got to help out a regular who was feeling very down on herself. That was nice, but no one really has enough here to be someones therapist.

 

Well, I like a lot of foreplay, but in my case foreplay is usually 2-3 hours of begging.


Then there's the actual act, which if you need a visual, take your most disappointing sexual encounter and multiply it by about 15.


Finally, the afterglow, which is consists of the woman either throwing up or running to the shower to scrub her skin raw after making such a terrible mistake.

That analogy holds true if you're single and dating. If you're in a marriage, then it's closer to nuclear tic-tac-toe... so if anyone remembers the movie Wargames, then you'll realize the only way to win...

...is to not play.

 

Are you lining up with two tight ends? Or the spread offense with multiple wide receivers?

 

If you want to really pound the ball up the middle go with the two tight ends.
Spreading your receivers lets you put the ball in lots of different places.......You can line up a tight slot receiver too if you don't want them out wide.