sex and female assertiveness.

Very well. I appreciate your participation on this thread.

 

It's difficult to aptly describe what I mean with over-the-top aggressiveness, so I'll show you a video example instead:

Ep 15 - The Cougar - 12-Steps to Recovery (CC) - YouTube

(until roughly 4:30)

There appears to be the perception/reputation for mature single women to usually be the uncomfortably aggressive type. I wouldn't know, I've never dated anyone older than 3 years my age, but I'm working with societal views here.

Mature women tend to know themselves and what they want very well, and go for it directly. Possibly sometimes by going too far. And to be frank, with advanced age I wouldn't think kindly of the time wasted with formalities and the superficial rituals of dating.

Or maybe men (especially the younger ones) find assertive women's attitudes very sexually intimidating.


I don't see any problems with being confident, clear and direct about one's wants (whether sexually or not). It doesn't matter to me what two adults consent to doing as long as 1) both agree and 2) doesn't negatively affect others.

At the same time, I quite dislike both men and women who can't take a hint, or deal with a rejection of their advances.

 

I would make a distinction between being imtimidated, shocked (too strong of a word, very much surprisd might be a better description), and surprised.

(as Chris exits stage right)

 

That video is a caricature and it pretty much just supports the stereotype of the cougar and perpetuates this idea that all single, sexually active women over 40 have to practically rape men to get sex. I don't see how you can use it to say anything about real people in real situations.

But, if it makes you feel any better, I've never greeted a man at the door in lingerie with a Kama Sutra book and a plate of oysters on the coffee table.

 

Every guy's loss, I'm thinking. Except for the oysters (not kosher, and all)....

 

Last 'date' I went on, I wore jeans and a long-sleeve t-shirt. Crew neck, even.
Shit still came off faster than you can say 'Koyaanisqatsi.'
*reverie*

 

You realize I put the video up as an example of what can be considered as "over-the-top assertiveness", which you asked me to describe?

It isn't evidence for the stereotype being correct.

 

Sure, I realize that I asked for an example and you posted what is essentially a saturday night live skit. I was thinking that maybe you had some real life examples or something. My bad.

 

I think assertiveness is great.

Aggressiveness, maybe not so much. I mean, sometimes I have a headache.

 

One more reason why monogamy is not for me.

 

Eh, I can't say I really give a shit what anyone does with their body so long as it doesn't effect me and terms like cougar are too general and bland for my use. That said, I am and (have been) plenty turned off by people drawn to me because of their fetishized preferences. I just don't get people that are (often obsessively) drawn to very specific types and I find that too often that sort of attraction plays out as creepy and dehumanizing. The image of the cougar, hunting virile young men doesn't appeal to me just as the race and class obsessed types doesn't.

Sexually confident and self-assured women are incredibly sexy at any age. I imagine that while there certainly must be some cougars out there, these women are few and far between and the popular definition along with its sex-negative connotations has spread by sheer force of projected male insecurities.

...

 

Depends on the man I am initially sleeping with.

Some men, you can't even bring that up to.

Some men, you can ask but... it's iffy.

Some men just want to watch. Those are the fun ones. Seeing one of those now. It's gorgeous.

 

I wouldn't put the common use of cougars as a pejorative strictly on men. I've heard women who disapprove of, and in some cases are jealous of, 'older' womens sexual preference for younger lovers refer to them as cougars. No doubt there are some (probably very few) women who like the term.

 

I think part of the equation that is deliberately left out is that there are many more younger men who are available and still sexually vital. It's not as simple as a preference. It's math.

 

I know that in my age group I see many more available/single women than available/single men.

Have no idea about the male geezers being sexually vital .

 

Well, it's complicated. And I am looking to simplify my life.
Maybe it's just a phase.

 

Mid-life crisis?

 

It might be. I hope not, but, maybe.
At least I'm not some married bitch fooling around on her husband and buying $3500 handbags. Freedom comes in many varieties.

 

I only date assertive girls, never cared much for the guessing game, nor the double standard there as well. Na, girls that are on the level are the best.